Feeling Great!

So two weeks ago I got SLAMMED with a knee injury.  I ran Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and BAM that was it.  I could barely make it up the stairs Friday morning.  I took of extra activity for a full week.  I DID however attend a Karate group class Wednesday of last week.  I felt decent, but the knee still felt kind of funny.

This week I went to the same group class last night.  The difference is I wore my HRM (Heart Rate Monitor).  I burned 351 calories!  I couldn't believe it but the Garmin doesn't lie!  I thanked my Dad for kicking my ass :)  He was the instructor for the class.

I had quite the work out.  I did karate with him over 10 years ago and I got really in shape and was used to the physical movements and abuse the body takes.  Yesterday not so much and here is the proof.

I bruised my right knuckles and then I rubbed skin off my left knuckles.  It seems worse than it is and it was an AMAZING work out.  I really enjoy it and I missed it a lot.

SUPER psyched with the weather here in Northeastern  Ohio!  Today it was 62 degrees this morning and I took advantage of it.  I ran 4.5 miles and walked .72 miles.  Puts me at 5.26 I think :)  I missed it so much and at times I did feel that air bubble behind my knee cap.

I didn't push myself too hard for fear I would have the same issues and not be able to run!  It is frustrating because I miss it so much and if I can't keep up with it I may cry. :)  Thanksgiving came and went and I really didn't over eat!  I couldn't believe it!  Almost like my body can't handle as much food.  That makes sense because I am sure my stomach has shrunk at least a little bit over the last 6 months.

Tomorrow is 6 months since I started my new lifestyle and yes, I plan on taking photos.  Probably Saturday morning.  I can't believe it but I also don't feel like that much time has gone by because I feel like I am still learning and growing.  I am sure that will be a constant thing in my life.

I want to write a reflection post this weekend looking back over the last 6 months.  So much has changed.  It's been an amazing ride and I am so thankful to be able to share it with you all!

~ <3 ~
Me

Hello Monday and Good Bye Holiday

I can't wait for Monday.  Back into my routine!  The hardest thing about the holidays not only is controlling and making sure I don't eat every item displayed on the tables, but being able to stick with routine!  It's much easier to keep with it when work is the same and home life is the same.

Last week I took off from fitness due to a knee injury.  I did attend a Karate group class Wednesday which my Dad taught.  He kicked my butt, however I felt amazing!  My upper body was sure as hell sore!  We did 100 push ups and 100 sit ups.  My stomach and along my middle back and my arms were SO sore!!

It felt amazing!  I loved it!  I also realized how weak my upper body is compared to how strong my lower body is.  SO I am going to attend more karate group classes and start doing kick boxing.  All along side my running or elliptical use!  One of my patients said its most important to strengthen the core and back areas.  It helps with posture and any back pain associate with running.

I am excited to try it.  After this crazy holiday I feel like I am stuck in another rut that I need to get out of.  At least I have a game plan!  I do have to say that I tracked my food since last week and have been keeping up fairly well!  Thank goodness!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Running On E!

I am just not feeling it.  My lack of fitness from my knee bruising has really pushed me to the edge.  I've gone so far downhill I have fallen off the bus and I can't catch back up.  I really want to try an elliptical tomorrow at the gym, but I am petrified!  I honestly LOVE running and it makes me so sad that I can't do that!

My plan is to go to my Dad's group karate class.  I want to try and get back into it.  I use a lot of my own body weight with push ups and crunches.  I just hope my knee holds up!  Heck after the crazy week we have had at home I hope I remember to go!  But I really want to!

Thursday starts the Holiday Streak and I HAVE to stick with it whether I can or not.  If I can't run, I will walk.  If I can't walk, I do weights.  I have a game plan! 

My game plan now is to sleep ;)  Nighty Night my friends!

~ <3 ~
Me

Same Sweater....New Me....Bad Knee!?

So, I have posted this beauty before in a past blog.  I am mortified I ever let myself get to that point, but what are ya gonna do!?

I was going through drawers trying to find SOMETHING to wear in this cold Ohio weather.  I dove into my sweater drawer.  I need something warm that will fit.  Even if it hangs off me a little bit, I just need it to look somewhat nicely.

As I was going through my drawers I came across this same red sweater.  When I see it, this is the picture I see in my mind.  I almost put it in my donate pile when I thought "The lines on that seem slimming enough....I wonder if it would fit?"

So, I put it on and BAM!  This is how it fit!  I still feel like my face shows my weight, but I realize I have a strong jaw line and chin like my father, so I shouldn't complain.  He is a handsome person :)  I couldn't believe how different I made this sweater look now compared to just a few years ago.

Why did I save it after seeing this picture of me!?  Maybe for a day like this!  I felt amazing in the sweater and it was comfortable.  It was a LITTLE loose, but I felt it still looked somewhat cute! Please no need to tell me any compliments.  I am not fishing for them.  It is just taking time to enjoy this new me!

Now, onto the bad news!  I was doing SO amazing running last week!  I ran Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  By Thursday I noticed my right shin and my knee were feeling a little pressure.  Friday morning I could barely make it up or down our small flight of 6 steps.

As anyone would do.....instead of contacting my physician I turned to the trusted internet!  The only common explanation I could find was that I bruised my knee or knee cap and that was why it felt like I had a huge air bubble behind my knee cap.  The solution/treatment you ask?  Elevation, ice compress, and Advil.  NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Did I do something wrong?  I was averaging 13-15,000 steps a day and I was feeling AMAZING!  Was it just too much at one time, or was it my shoes?  I invested in an amazingly supportive pair of running shoes.

I don't know what happened but I am sad.  This has now made me realize to stick with my 3x weekly running with some strength training.  I have GOT to do he strength training!!!  I just need a buddy because doing that by myself at the gym makes me pretty panicky :(

So, to lighten the mood....my old new sweater was a pleasant surprise but my knee is still throbbing *sniffle*.  What is a girl to do!?

~ <3 ~
Me

Holy Motivation

I passed go and ran my ass off today!  Holy shmoly did I run!  I ran an 11:30 mile and I ran four of them!  I walked the last mile with inclines.  It felt amazing!

I really want to try to run every day.  I want to start the Holiday Streak early!  That AAAAND I started a friendly competition with my fitness buddy at work.  I did the Jack Burns finger eyes and told her that the challenge is on and I was determined to  beat her in steps this week.

I hope I can do it!  She is a steps fiend!  I have high hopes.  I am actually really tired tonight!  I didn't have a lot of steps at work today but I sure had a lot after my run tonight.  I did feel bad because I told my husband I'd be home within the hour and I was gone an hour and a half LoL.  I love him so much for letting me do this.  It keeps me around longer for him and the kids.  Keeps me energetic....if you know what I mean ;)

Ok, I just had to share some success today.  Trying to keep motivated!  I really do need to start doing weights!  Someone help me!  Or train with me!  The buddy system works swimmingly and I would love a fitness buddy!  Who is coming with me!?

Oh, by the way, this was my Fitbit dashboard today!  I haven't seen this screen consistently in awhile :)

~ <3 ~
Me

Don't Piss In The Wind

Or spit for that matter!  So one icky thing with running is that I get REALLY flemmy.  Like mucus is suffocating me.  So, I read online to make sure you spit.  For me, if I don't, I will physically be sick at the end of my run.  SO, I have learned to spit quite well.

HOWEVER!  I went for a run this morning.  The weather here in Northeastern Ohio is AMAZING right now.  A bit off topic, but I have been running outside a lot.  ANYWHO!  I get to a point where I am having a hard time breathing and swallowing, so I hocker one up and spit into the street.  I was MORTIFIED when this woman runs up right behind me.  I probably almost spit on her if she didn't get at least a misting.

I was SO embarrassed and apologized.  She just smiled and said "Good Morning" after her horrified look that she almost got nailed in the face.  I seriously couldn't believe I had done that.  Why didn't I look?  OH WELL!  She passed my slow ass right up and kept on going.

Other than that awful event, my run was so nice!  I ran 4.5 miles and walked the remaining to hit just over 5 miles.  Felt great!  I am super sore, but I burned like 800 some calories!  So, I use My Fitness Pal to track my food and my fitness.  I have a Garmin Forerunner GPS (purchased it with a company called Hear Rate Monitors USA) watch which I use with a heart rate monitor.  I love it because it takes into consideration my weight, distance, and my heart rate to figure out calories burned.  I knew I had to have burned quite a few because the course I took was pretty steep with some inclines, so it gave me a good work out.  I wasn't going for speed.  I just wanted to do 4 miles and I passed that! 

This honestly has been the best thing I purchased when I started running.  Yes, the clothes are nice, and my Fitbit One is amazing with tracking steps.  BUT, I like exact measurements and this item makes me so happy!  I recommend one to everyone!  I sync it with a website I joined (for free) called Map My Run.  Amazing website and if you don't have the Garmin, or another device to sync with it, you can figure out your course on their website and it will tell you everything you need or want to know! 

The combination of the two of them has helped me immensly.  I like graphs and maps.  Most of all I like knowing exactly how far I have gone and how many calories I have burned.  I like numbers.  Numbers show progress.

It's amazing looking back when I started in the beginning of May 2013 and could barely do that mile.  PLUS that was a combination of running and walking with my Couch to 5k App.  Looking back it seems silly that I couldn't do it.  HOWEVER!  I was a 203 lb almost 31 year old woman of two children that hadn't stuck with a damn thing dealing with my health and exercise.  Now I am down 26 lbs and am feeling amazing.  I have my moments of back tracking, but I find my way back because I miss it!

I honestly can say that I REALLY enjoy running.  I wouldn't say love....quite yet....but I am getting there!  When I don't run I feel run down and tired.  When I run I feel energized and so much better ab out myself!  One of the ladies I worked with made me chuckle!  I brought my running clothes to work Wednesday last week for a VERY cold run around the office.  She looked at me and said "Look at you!  You really are a runner now!". 

She was right!  I don't dread running.  I don't hate it.  I don't say "Oh I hate running.", "I'll only run if something is chasing me.".  NOPE!  I am a runner.  It feels amazing and I enjoy running.  It is a part of my life now and it makes me happy.  Thank you May of 2013 and what you changed in me and for me.  I couldn't imagine my life any other way.  Well, other than maybe winning the lottery or something :)

AMEN!

~ <3 ~
Me

You Can't Streak In The Cold

Well, you can, but I can't imagine THAT being comfortable!

I have had a pretty good week this week.  Eating has been decent, and I have (as of today) ran two days in a row.  OUTSIDE! 

I went to our local Target and purchased one pair of winter warming pants, one winter warming shirt, one winter pull over jacket, one pair of gloves, and one ear covering head band!

After running two days outside, I want MORE!  I need more outfits so I don't have to wash them everyday!  It is unbelieveable how much easier it is to run in this colder weather!  I never have to catch my breath.  I just breathe.  I can't even explain it.  When it is hot out I struggle to breathe!  It's like my lungs can't even expand enough to get that hot muggy air into my body.  This cold weather does WONDERS!

Other than the snotsicles dripping from my nose by the end I feel amazing!  I have to say that I am VERY sore and uncomfortable tonight!  I have to get better with my stretching before and after running.  I just am usually in such a hurry to get out and go and get back home I forget.  I know....how do I forget right!?  Who knows, but I do.

I think for once my life is really coming together!  I am enjoying my running.  I am losing weight (which i lost the pound I gained AS WELL as one additional pound)  YAY!, I am getting into my beauty routine more, and trying to enjoy this new body of mine!

Slowly but surely the transformation progresses!!  Thanks for reading!

~ <3 ~
Me

The Holiday Streak!!

Come Join Us!

This is a personal challenge for YOURSELF!

The Challenge: Starting on Thanksgiving, you start running/walking every day until New Years Day.

Requirements: NONE! You can run/walk one mile or 26 miles! You can be outside or in a treadmill. All that matters is that you keep moving!

The Goal: The goal is to keep your body moving through, what normally would be a pretty sedentary holiday season!

I read an article in Runners World Magazine about this and thought it would be great to do. It helps people who don't exercise get moving and it also helps runners stay fit and trained!

Please feel free to invite your friends!

Will you join me???

In no way is my event photo condoning actual streaking. I just thought it was a funny add on :)

Click below to join!!!

The Holiday Streak (A Running/Walking Challenge) 

 

Yes, I Ran

And yes it felt amazing!  I ran 3 miles and then walked a mile at almost 4mph at alvl 5 incline. Holy crap!!  I alternated the incline. Up down up down. I was beat!  I can't wait to do it again!  Change things up for my body!

I can tell it's getting close to that time of the month for me. My tummy is so huge and all I want to do is stay home and lay on the couch. Last weekend I ate everything it seemed. So it all comes together!

Can't wait until THAT'S all over with!

Busy weekend coming up. My husband planned a date night for us Saturday night. He is so sweet!  Dinner and maybe a movie!  I can't wait!

Well I had better get to work!  Busy afternoon ahead!  Thanks for reading!

~ <3 ~

Me 

Ohio Winters

So, as the leaves begin to change, we Ohioans have a look of pure horror on our faces. WINTER!  Winter in Northeastern ohio lasts anywhere from October through April depending on how lucky we are here. We enjoy a good few months of rain outside of that time followed by MAYBE 2 good months of summer. You think I am exaggerating but I am not.  Well maybe a little.

I started running May of this year. I LOVED it!  I still do!  I was sitting down today wishing it was nicer. It's raining. Big surprise. I miss that outdoor running. The fresh air and the warm breeze and the heat of the sun on my back and face. It really was and is its own anti-depressant. I enjoy the treadmill but I miss my outside. 

My plan for this spring and summer is to find new places to run. I get bored easily in our development. I want to just run and enjoy it. Not worry about time or how far I've gone. I do, however need to be able to make it back, so I guess I can't go too far HaHaHa. I plan on runnig with friends and enjoying it even more than I have before. 

I plan on hitting the gym treadmill tomorrow morning. I still wish I had my own, bit until my husband caves in....this is my option unless I want to get cold weather runnig clothes and run outside this winter. (I don't by the way)

Sorry this is so short. I just miss my summer running. Yes, even those awful days!!  Tomorrow is my running day and I am psyched!  I love it so!

~ <3 ~

Me

Starting Over....

I am starting fresh tomorrow!  I plan on running during my lunch.  All i wanna do is 2 miles.  If I can do 3 that'd be awesome.  I may go tonight.  I may just do a Sunday night!  That way I won't feel like I am driving to and from work so many times a day to go to the gym.

That has been the hardest thing for me.  It was so easy to just change up after the kids were in bed and go out running.  I REALLY need a treadmill.  I could run every night and it would be amazing.  I just want a nice used one.  That's all I ask!  Even if someone has one they don't use.  Maybe I could BORROW it until I can save up for my own :)  I really enjoy the treadmill and then I would be in my own home running whenever I want.  After bed time or even during naptime for my kids! 

Well, tomorrow is a new day and I am starting over.  I haven't been eating well and I haven't been working out.  I am so angry with myself.  I have to get back to it!

~ <3 ~
Me

A Little Barry White??

I know I have been absent from here lately and that is because I have been absent from everything!  My eating healthy and my fitness goals.  I did snag this quick "selfie" today while cleaning.  I am starting to feel more comfortable in my body!

I got on the scale this morning and I did gain 1lb :(  I mean it could have been worse!!  I am still disappointed in myself.  I did decide to go running during my lunch on Mondays.  Just a quick 2 miles so I am not too gross and sweaty when I am done.  They don't have showers at the gym and I can't give myself a sponge bath when I get back to work LoL.  I need to find a good body cleansing cloth that I can use.

So back on topic today.  It gets a little personal, so if you are easily offended or uncomfortable stop reading :)  Now, I don't know about you other ladies....or men for that matter.  When my husband and I first got married, things were amAzing in the passion department.  We had our daughter and things continued going strong.  Always intense and exciting.  Then we hit a wall when our son was born.  Like literally a brick and stone wall....completely solid.  Mind you, our son is 2 1/2 now.  I can honestly say not until the past few months have things started getting back to normal again!

My husband would NEVER tell me anything bad about my weight.  He never looks at other women or comments about their bodies.  Well, except for Carrie Underwood, but that is allowed.  So he never made me feel less than or not good enough.  It was all mental for me.  I was uncomfortable with who I was.  I was uncomfortable in the skin I was in.  I wasn't confident.  I felt awkward.  I felt huge.  I felt fat.  I felt disgusting.  I didn't feel sexy or attractive.  I felt ugly.  My husband never made me feel this way....EVER!   This is how I felt about myself. 

As I am noticing my curvy hips and my favorite.....my clavicle (collar bone), I am feeling beautiful!  I am more confident with my body and what I do with it.  I am sure my husband is appreciative of this too HAHAHAHA.  It has made a HUGE difference in our relationship.  More passion....crazy, right!?  I am not hesitant when we are together.  The excitement is back.  I am excited about being intimate with my husband with this revamped body of mine!

Another huge help has been my friend Yurisa.  We got back in touch through FB.  It had been YEARS since we ever talked.  BFB4L Yo (She'll understand what that means).  ANYWAY!  She has really gotten me into trying different types of clothing and even more recently things to do with makeup.  My beauty guru.  When I put the time in (when i have the time) it knocks that confidence through the roof.  Her support through our friendship has been immense, but her newest tips have really helped put the icing on the cake so to say.  Thanks girl!

Some people who are heavier MAY be comfortable in their skin.  To them I say I am happy for you and good for you all.  It just wasn't for me!  I am enjoying the new me, and my husband might be too!  HAHA.  In regards to the title about Barry White....it's an inside joke with my family that if you hear Barry White playing don't come barging in because things MIGHT be going on LoL  I love my family :)  So, in conclusion (I now feel like I am finalizing my English paper for school) if you are comfortable and confident in the skin you are in, congrats and much love to you.  If you are not, there is always room for self improvement.  Just be sure to do it for yourself and not for someone else.  Who cares what everyone else thinks.  It is about how you feel about yourself and the way you look!

~ <3 ~
Me

Where oh where has the new me gone?

Oh where oh where could she be!?!?!?!?

Because she has run away and left me here all alone and lost and confused!  COME BAAAAAAAACK!!  Something snapped in me last week and the old lazy fat me made a surprise visit and now she has overstayed her lazy ass welcome.  GO HOME!  Why can't I shake this funk?? 

Part of it could be the winter weather than came and slapped us all in the face.  It got cold...freaking cold!  All I want to do is lay under a blanket and hibernate.  The thing is.....I am not the only one!  Many of my internet supporters and friends are having the same issue!  Last week I ate SO awful....it disgusts me!  I only ran one day :(

Help!  I just need help!  I have been doing so well for the past almost 6 months....I can't fail now!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

It felt a-MA-zing!

Running that is!  I burned so many extra calories this morning because I chose to do the "Hill" program on the treadmill.  I chose to do level 5 out of 20 and WOW am I glad I didn't go higher than that :) 

I decided my body needed a change up.  Running 4 miles on a treadmill is easy when you are running flat with no obstacles right!?  I start at a 0 and go to 2.1, 3.4, 4.7.  HOLY SHMOLY!   It actually was easier when I ran faster!  I pushed 5.2mph running uphill and bumped it down to 4.9/5.0 when at 0.  I was SO exhausted that I only made it to 3 miles LoL.  I then did a run/walk combo for that final mile.  I had to finish that 4 miles today some how!  I got at 3.9 and then i broke out into a sprint!  I was seriously burning rubber off my shoes I was going so fast!  It felt amazing and it was JUST what I needed!

I really was starting to freak out last week for fear of a relapse into my old ways, but I did it and I am back!  I did not do my 30DS last night.....I have to do something!  I'll figure it out somehow :) 

As a side note, my daughter starts her dance class this Friday!  She is so excited and I am excited for her!  I will keep you posted!

Ok, I am out of here for a very busy day!  Gotta get in all of my steps! :)

~ <3 ~
Me

Getting Out of A Funk....

A little NSV (Non Scale Victory) from this past weekend!  As the days are becoming colder, I am digging out the warmer clothing.  This shirt I have on used to be so tight I couldn't even stand to have it on.  This year it is becoming "tent-like".  When I say that I mean that they fit to my boobs and literally TENT OUT.  So many of my shirts actually make me look heavier than I really am!

Again, I am not complaining, but I am still wondering what I am going to wear this winter!  My new jeans that are 2 sizes smaller than I used to be are starting to sag off my flattened butt!  Yes, I said flattened.  I don't want a Kardashian butt by any means, but some shape would be nice! :) 

My goal is to start weights.....it scares me because I don't want to lose the momentum I have had going.  Actually I am petrified.  You know me and new things ;)  BUT, I have to do it!  I am almost to that half way point of weight loss and I feel like it's slowing down.  It's partially my fault because I really have been a lazy ass for the past week.  Like REALLY lazy!  It's like the old Me has abducted....well, the new Me!  I want ME back!!!

My eating has been awful, my step counts have been awful.  No exercise.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?  I understand I will stumble and go backwards in my progress at times, but this is ridiculous!  I feel sluggish and tired.  I am running tomorrow morning and I am dreading it.  I know once I get moving and once I am done I will feel amazing!!!  It is just squashing that inner old me and telling her to butt the hell out of my life and never come back!

Grrrrr she makes me angry.  SO angry!  Why can't that part of me just die already!?  Leave me alone and let me live my new life.  I really need to figure out why I give in so easily.  Sorry.  This post is turning into this raging depressing read.  I apologize.  I just needed to vent.

I will post again tomorrow after my run and let you all know how it goes!

~ <3 ~
Me

Support Systems

It is motivational Tuesday for me!  I am trying to find some push to get my ass moving.

Today's topic I really wanted to post something about support systems.  I have said before that you won't make life changes until you are ready.  Until every aspect of your life is ready.  That includes a  strong and steady support system.

If you don't have a strong support system, the people around you can sabotage all efforts to improve your life.  All is takes is one negative nelly to ruin your efforts.  Especially in the beginning!  For me, I am still weak.  I have only been at this for 5 months and I am STILL weak!  It takes a brief second for me to cram a cookie in my mouth.  To have that extra scoop of pasta.  To eat that extra slice of bread.

I still have people say "Oh just have one", "If you have a little it won't matter".  What they don't realize is that ONE or that LITTLE bit can ruin me!  In a brief moment of weakness I can cave and THAT snowballs for the rest of my day!  I know not all people realize this, but when I say no.....I mean NO!  Stop offering me snacks KNOWING I can't have them.  Stop egging me on to eat that one tiny bite when you know I can't do it.

If your support system that surrounds you just can't accept the fact that you are changing your lifestyle and trying to improve your life.  You need to sit them down and put it all out there.  Tell them that you need their support and encouragement.  That when you don't eat a certain thing, or don't have that piece of cake; there is a reason!  If they choose to laugh or make light of your decisions....screw them!  They are selfish and you don't need to put up with their crap.  You also don't have the time!!

You need to surround yourself with people who when you decide to MAKE that change, will support you 100%!  When you go to grab that cookie or eat a piece of cake they will have no hesitation speaking up because you asked them to.  They will tell you "It's ok.  You can do it tomorrow".  They will congratulate you when you've done well and they will lift you up when you are feeling down.

I have many support systems.  My husband and kids, my parents (hearing them say how proud they are of me makes me want this even more), family, friends (all of my readers and friends who post supportive comments here and on Facebook).  I also have my online support system.  My My Fitness Pal friends are amazing!  When I have a bad day they help me see why and what NOT to do tomorrow.  My fellow co-workers for the most part are very understanding.  Every once and awhile people offer me food when I am not asking for it.  They will learn :) 

My one co-worker and I (I feel) have grown closer through our lifestyle changes together.  We compare our steps everyday.  We look at each others online food journals.  She really has been a motivator (she has lost a TON of weight) and such a support system for me!  Thanks Eva!  You have been wonderful!  Thank goodness I love my job so that I never leave.  We shall be healthy forever :)

So, thank you to MY support system.  You keep me going when I don't feel like I can, and you are always there through the "thick and thin" of my journey.  Love to you all and thank you!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Another 5k On The Books

Well, I finished another 5k today!  My Mom ran with me today and MAN is she fast!!  I keep telling her she hustled me with her running time :)

I finished at my personal best of 35:15 (per them) and 35:13 per my Garmin GPS watch.  I had a hard time!  It was a very steep downhill run right off the bat and then the last 1.5 miles was mostly uphill!  I was exhausted, but it kept me going to see my Mom out there in front!

I didn't run Friday which actually put me in a funk the rest of the weekend with my eating!  I was feeling down about not running and I ate through my emotions. 

I felt great today!  I started out a little too fast and had to slow down and pace myself a little more.  I still went faster than my other 5k (obviously).  I got near the finish and my Dad came out to high five us.  I passed him and put it in high gear!  I sprinted to the finish to make sure I beat my time.  When i kicked into sprint mode I chuckled as I heard someone say "Oh my Gosh!"  I mean I was really flying!!

I loved that the race was so early in the morning!  I had the whole rest of the day to enjoy and be outside with our kids!  I guess I don't have much to type!  My brain is kind of empty right now!  OH!  I placed 9th in my division out of 16.  Kind of in the middle there :)  I placed 138 out of I think 212?  That made me happy!  Ok my friends.  Thank you for reading and have an amazing Sunday!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Looking Back.....

This picture won't make sense in the beginning of this post, but somewhere near the middle it should all come together.

So I was talking with a friend of mine today.  She really has been there with me when I was at my lowest point in my life.  But let's rewind for a moment!

I was always a decently happy kid.  Tried to stay positive, always saw the good in everyone and everything.  I tried to anyways :)  I wasn't the most popular kid in school but I wasn't the dorkiest kid either.  I just stayed in the middle and that was ok with me.  People knew who I was but didn't know much about me except for my friends.  I went to college (a local community college) while all of my friends went away to school and enjoyed that "college experience".  I tried to visit when I could. 

I dated guys that were all wrong for me and it affected my schooling.  I met my husband and it all just came together!  It was so easy!  He helped me study and in his words "I graduated from Dental Hygiene school too!"  He did learn a lot with helping me :)

Right out of school I got a part time job at an amazing office.  My Boss was like a friend and family.  I got engaged and decided I needed a full time job if we wanted a house so that I could contribute.  It broke my heart to leave but I had to do it for my FUTURE family!  So I got a full time job quickly and was there through getting married and giving birth to our daughter.  I was 5 months pregnant with our son when my Boss told me he had sold his office to another Dentist.  Hormones probably affected my response MORE than my brain, but I was devastated.  The new Boss and I were not on the same page with many things and I had made up my mind that during my maternity leave I would find another job.

Not soon after that a Doctor hired me, 7 months pregnant, to work at his office.  I was there 3 months before our son was born and it was AMAZING!  I loved the people I worked with and I loved my boss and the environment I was working in!  I came back from maternity leave and THIS my friends is when I can honestly tell you I went a little crazy! (insert crazy smiley face from above)

It was different.  My Boss was different.  I wouldn't get home until 6:30pm on a night I should be home by 5:15pm!  I would get home at 9:00pm on a night I should be home by 7!  I worked there a year with this life and it RUINED me!  I missed dinner every night for a year.  I missed milestones with my children and husband for a year.  I lost out on my LIFE for a year.  I decided to start seeing someone to talk to....maybe it would help?  It did a little, but not enough to change how awful I was feeling.

I didn't want to do anything.  I sat on the couch online all the time, or watched TV all night.  I was there physically, but mentally I had checked out.  I was surrounded by an amazing family, my incredible children, and my supportive and loving husband, but I still felt so alone!  I started going out with friends and staying out until 2-3 in the morning.  It had to stop!  I told myself "You are 30 years old!  Grow up and deal with your shit!".  I was making poor decisions and looking back I am ashamed, but you can't change the past!  You can only learn from it!

I had an amazing job opportunity come up.  Closer to home, great hours, a little less $ hourly but I'd be home more.  I took it and despite my Boss trying to tell me what a rude awakening I'd have going over to this new office, I felt amazing about my decision.  I started my new job (just after breaking my ankle).  My first day working there was it's own therapy.  I came home EARLY!  Our daughter immediately said, as I walked through the door, "Mommy is home for dinner??".  That alone made me know I had made the right decision.

I love my job!  Every place of employment has their ups and downs, and sure some days I go home and think "Why can't I be a lady of leisure?"  But 99.9% of the time I feel like I am "Home".  My fellow employees are amazing and we may have our moments with each other, but when you have 10 women in an office together.....if there ISN'T drama I would be surprised!  My Boss is incredibly supportive and encourages that Family comes before Work.  That is what sold me on taking the job in the first place :)

So, I had been there and all of a sudden I had a falling out with a friend over.....you guessed it....DRAMA!  This friend was with me while I was doing my partying til 2am.  It was shortly after I started my Couch to 5k program.  I thought we had a good friendship but apparently I was wrong.  It is amazing how quickly things can become ugly and hateful in such a short period of time.  Nothing like that had ever happened to me before...I was honestly shocked.  Things were said and things were done to me that will never be forgotten.  It isn't worth the time mentioning it because it's over and done with.  But this would be a HUGE turning point in my "recovery".

The new job helped get me out of my depression.  I say depression because looking back, I know that's what it was.  Losing the negative energy in my life was the final step.  I was looking at what was most important.  Being around and being healthy for my kids, husband and family.  Also, just to ENJOY LIFE!!! 

I look at life in a whole new way now!  With more energy and more appreciation!  Coming back to the beginning of my post.  My best friend and I got to chat today.  Doesn't seem like a big deal, but she recently moved to another country, so the time difference can be tricky, but we make due.  She always is there for me literally through thick and thin (did you catch my weight joke?).  When I was at my lowest point in my life, she stuck by me and was there for me 24/7.  It's just comforting to know through all the chaos that she was always there and didn't run :)  I am also thankful my husband doesn't mind me take the time to connect with her.  We always joke that I am having an affair because every time I am on the phone or texting it is probably her :)

So, after the lowest of lows....I survived.  I turned things around and am always striving for a better life with my amazingly supportive husband, our incredible kids, and my wonderfully supportive family and friends. 

I couldn't imagine what my Mom was going through as she watched me slowly fall away.  She stuck with me and was and always is so supportive.  It has to be hard watching your child spiral out of control and not be able to do anything to help.  So, thank you Mom!  I can say I am doing AWESOME!!! 

Thank you to my husband.  Because of my issues, he was left with practically being a single parent because I had checked out and didn't do ANYTHING.  Words cannot describe the deep love I have for you that will be with me until we are old and grey :).  You are an amazing husband and an even more incredible father.

Thank you to all of you for reading!  I don't know why I felt the need to post this, but I did!  Don't ever be scared to ask for help or to change your life for the better....no matter the circumstances.  If it improves your life and the lives of those around you, it is a great decision!!

~ <3 ~
Me

My New Addiction

Hello....My name is Beth and I'm addicted to fitness :)

Now 203lb Beth would laugh at this. "There is no way I would ever do that."  "There is no way I'd stick with it."  "I'd fail."  IN YOUR FACE UNHEALTHY ME!!

I am doing it and I love it!  I'm not trying to beat a certain time or be competitive with it. I really am enjoying running!!  The eating is still, and I have a feeling will always be, a hard thing to battle. I found myself sitting on the couch wishing we had a treadmill so I could bust a run and watch tv. It's like I NEEDED the high! 

I went to the gym and ran. We'll tried to run all that salt and bloat out of my body from over the weekend.  Uggghhh slowly but surely. I am realizing that the first mile is hard. But the second mile is the toughest one!  Then to get to 4 miles is like nothing!  I am sure I could do more than that but with my next 5k on Sunday I didn't want to push myself. I feel amazing!!!  It's this natural high that just makes everything around you better :)

I really do need to start working with weights. I've tried 30DS and just couldn't stick with it. I need to get some heavier weights so I can do it too. Baby steps I say but yet I never get started!  My floppy arms are becoming more noticeable and it's freaking me out!  I have all winter to work on it I guess. BUT I have to start now!!

Well I have a busy day ahead so I had better get busy!  Have a super Wednesday everyone!!!

~ <3 ~

Me

Feeling Like A Blowfish

This is how I am feeling today!  After a crazy busy weekend of fun and food, THIS is how I am left to feel.  We had a yummy spaghetti dinner last night with garlic bread.  The indigestion I had from it kept me up all night.  I woke up this morning feeling so sick!  I had to go in later to work today and knew I had time to go running and was DREADING it! 

However, I packed my stuff, took the kids to their sitter and headed to the gym super early in the morning.  I got to see the sun rise while I was running...kind of neat :)  So I start running and think to myself "2 miles is all I am going to be able to do....I feel like my stomach is going to explode upward or downward and I don't want to be in public when that happens."  You know what I did?  I took my "sweat towel" and draped it over the read out screen on the treadmill and just kept looking out the window.  I wipe my face and notice I have already gone a mile!  "What's one more"  I am there already right?  May as well make it worth it!  I look down again and see 2.5 miles.  "Well I guess I will go to 3.1...I am almost there."  I hit 3.0....feeling a little sick to my stomach I scream at myself "It's only one more mile you pansy!"  So I kept going.  I walked for maybe 1 minute and then when I hit 3.95 I slowed down to walk out the end of my run.

I felt great.  I still feel a little nauseous and have some stomach cramping, but it is AMAZING how something like food can wreck you like that!  One thing I have learned is that my body is used to how I have been eating.  Lots of protein, fruits, healthy snacks.  SO, when I do cheat or have a little too much of something I pay for it!  I don't like it!  When it's there I have no self control.  This weekend made me realize that. 

My biggest fear right now is the holidays coming up!  I need to start plotting my meals now!  We eat with two families usually each day.  I need to make sure I enter my food ahead of time on My Fitness Pal so that I don't stray.  When I plan it out, it makes it so much easier to stick with it!

I have my second 5k this coming Sunday.  My Mom is running it with me which I am so excited about!  She hasn't been feeling well and has been fighting this nasty cough, so she is hoping she will be able to run it with me!  I am nervous yet again.  I am more than sure there are some BIG hills I will be running on, but I am excited also!  I may get to meet one of my MFP (My Fitness Pal) friends there as she will be running as well!  After that 5k I will be done with them until the spring while I continue my running all winter long!

Well, thanks for reading!  I really have been slacking on writing, but things have been busy here!  Never a dull moment in the life of a Mommy right!?  Everyone have an AMAZING Monday!  Make your goals for the week and stick with them!  Anything is possible!

~ <3 ~
Me

Veering Off Topic

So I know I am using this blog as a way to document my new healthy lifestyle.  But what better time to talk about a huge supporter in my life.  My husband!  This was maybe after 4 years of dating.  He and I have been together almost 11 years this year and I couldn't imagine it any other way!

He is so supportive of my new lifestyle!  Our family grew quickly after we got married.

 On our wedding day in 2008














Our first family Christmas picture in 2009
 














 
 Our picture from 2011 (my highest weight to date topping over 200lbs)

Our most recent shot from 2012


Ok, so bad on track to my healthy lifestyle for a brief period of time today!  I went to the gym yet again!  I am really loving it!!

I ran 4.13 miles and it felt great.  It really is much easier to run on the treadmill.  No issues with the streets or sidewalks.  I can honestly say that I am LESS anxious at the gym than running outside.  I am always paranoid about who is around me or driving by.  I don't have to worry about the gym.  I am in my own little world!

I am really enjoying it and I can't wait to weigh in next week and see how I am doing.

Ok, so anywho!  I love my amazing husband!  We have had our ups and downs and I know it will continue on throughout our life together.  But as days go on we become closer and more connected.  I couldn't imagine it any other way.  I love you!!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Time to Check In

Oh yes my friends!  I am back!  I had a bit of a slump and today was my turning point!  I really beat through some anxiety today and I'm glad I did.  I packed my work out clothes and took them to work.  I figured if it was nice enough I would run outside in the neighborhoods around work.  If it was nasty out, I would get my ass to the gym.  Well the temperature was and is amazing, but it looked like a storm coming in.  I changed, got in my car and drove to the gym.

The parking lot was so busy.....fear #1: a lot of people staring and watching me look like an idiot.  I walked in and NO ONE!  It must have been all the men in the back on the weights.  I found myself a treadmill in front of a T.V that had ESPN on it....something neutral and entertaining to keep my interest, but I didn't have to think much :)  Fear #2: Oh crap what if I fall off this thing!?  (By the way....that didn't happen)

So I recently downloaded The 20/20 Experience 2 of 2.  I have been wanting to really listen to it and now was my chance.  I start blasting my JT and just RAN!  It took a lot not to look at the screen to see how far I've gone and how much time had gone by, but I did it!!

 So, off I went.  Running my butt off (or so I am hoping) :)  People come and go in the gym.  Cars drive by.  I watch the main road as the cars and trucks drive passed.  A Budweiser truck was stocking a bar....I would be lying if THAT didn't sound amazing while I was running :)  A group of buff dudes came in barely able to put their arms at their sides HaHaHa.  I kept it up!  Even when the twiggy girl started running right next to me....REALLY WOMAN!?  Of all the treadmills they have here you HAVE to pick the one next to me???  Ugghhhh!!!  Anywho,  I saw I was half way there at 2 miles and thought to myself "this was easy!  You can do more than this!"  So I put it in my mind that 4.0 miles was where I would stop today.  I got to about 3.8 and started to slow down.  At 3.9 I started a brisk cool down walk.  At 4.0 I stopped.  I couldn't believe it!  I was REVVED!  I got off the treadmill and went to collect my keys and out the door I went.

For my next gym visit, I do need to remember a towel next time.  My running tanks only help so much when I wipe my face off.....WHEW! I really do feel amazing!  When I am running I can get so much shit cleared out of my head!  I run through it all and when I am done my head feels better and I am so much less stressed.  I came home and stepped on the scale before I cleaned up and BAM!  Another pound lost!  My weight loss ticker is to the right down there ----->>>>>

I couldn't believe it!  I have been eating 1600 calories fairly regularly.  Not the best choices some days, but the one consistent thing is my protein intake.  I have been eating these AMAZING chiken pita sandwhiches with a sundried tomato hummus.  WOOOOOW.  They are incredible!  I love it!  I also have been eating a lot of low cal greek yogurt too.  I still am weak and don't know how to eat "properly" but I am trying.  I am hoping after a year I will have this food thing down and it won't be so hard to maintain and stick with.  I am sure it will always be an inner battle, but I hope it gets easier!

As a side note, this new JT album is kick ass.  Favorite tune hands down is "Drink You Away"  Amazing and a great beat to jog to!

Thanks for reading (those of you who do) and I am trying to keep up with this and track my progress!  Thanks to you all!  Enjoy the rest of the week my friends!

~ <3 ~
Me

Holy Moly!!!!

This, my friends, is how I felt this morning after finishing my run.  I ran NON-STOP (well I walked 2mins at the end of my run) for 3.50 miles!  I was so happy!  I kept telling myself not to look at my distance.  Why?  Because as soon as I would hit that 3.1 I knew I would be a lazy ass and start slowing down and walking.  I am pretty good with knowing when I will wuss out on things and THAT was one of those moments.  My legs are sore, but a good sore  I have been doing a lot of stretching since I got back.  It felt good to get out in the sun.  There is a nice breeze off the lake today so it was the perfect balance of cool and warm.  Great running weather today!

One of the things I have a hard time with is change.  I have posted about my anxiety about un-known things and hopefully didn't make myself sound like a lunatic.  HOWEVER, today was HUGE!  I ran out of our development and down the main road to to my "course" today.  I needed a change and it was just what I needed!  My first goal to accomplish on this way is to be able to run past the ice cream shop and back home....probably a good 6 miles maybe?  The way I would run anyways...if we drove we'd take the quick way and be there in no time :)

Anyway, it felt great!  I was on the pavement feeling the gravel.  Sidewalks tend to bore me and almost are more of a work out and are more exhausting just because they vary going up and down SO much!  I can't wait to accomplish this goal!  I have to map it out on map my run and see how many miles it is!

Fall is here, which means winter is close behind, so I am preparing myself to begin running at the gym.  I have to keep after myself so that I don't take the easy way out for me and do an elliptical.  I am nervous yet excited knowing that I can continue my journey without any interruption on the way.

My next item on the list is weight training.  I REALLY need to get into gear because as I am losing weight, I am getting floppy.  Floppy arms, floppy thighs, floppy tummy.  I gotta tighten all of that up before it starts just sagging there like a piece of road kill. :)  I wish I had a friend close by that did weight training that could take me twice a week to my gym and (for free) just guide me with what to do.  I've never properly used gym equipment other than an elliptical machine.  So, A) there are random men also using the machines and B) I don't want to do something and hurt myself.
So, now I need to get ready for my day of work!  No one wants a stinky lady cleaning their teeth ;)

~ <3 ~
Me

Props to fox1047 for the image that I took off Deviant Art

Why so much anxiety?

I don't know why new situations give me anxiety. I really do have a problem Ha Ha Ha. I am trying to get on my winter schedule of running on my half days of work and on the weekends. It's easier to get to the gym when I'm at work. It's closer. Plus since it gets dark so early, my days of running after the kids are in bed are numbered. No, I am not comfortable running in the dark. No I won't use a light to help. It just freaks me out and I'm uncomfortable alone.....in the streets....at night!

So my plan is to start hitting up the gym if it isn't nice during the day. My anxiety is at its highest level because I'm petrified to run on a treadmill. What if I hate it?  What if it makes me hate running?  I am freaking out over something so small and insignificant but to me it's big!  Today it's supposed to be nice out so I plan on running outside today. 

I have my next 5k coming up!!  It's in just two weeks and YES I'm freaking out!!!  The pressure is on to do as well or better than the one I ran a fee weeks ago. I can't wait for it because my Mom is running with me this time!!  Yay!!!!  Still nervous though. 

I haven't been running since last Thursday. The scale is showing it :(   I have GOT to get my butt in gear!  No going backwards!  Only forwards!  Just keep swimming right? :)

Some Inspiration!

I always come across someone in my journey who truly inspires me.  This gentleman is such an inspiration to me!  So dedicated and when there are down days he picks it back up and keeps going strong!  Thank YOU BeingKevin!  You truly are a mentor and inspiration to everyone in their journeys!

Check out his blog RIGHT HERE It is amazing!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Holy Weight Loss Batman!

I have done fairly well this week!  Just earlier in the week I documented a 2lb loss.  And yesterday I lost another pound!  I was ecstatic!  I felt like I really was moving and couldn't figure out why!  I looked back at my food logging and realized 2 things.

First, I wasn't eating very much sugar....which has really given me a bit of energy!  Second, I have been eating 1600 calories instead of the 1400 that I have my goal set to.  Now, I don't know if this is  the reason or a fluke or what the deal is, but I am kind of testing the waters.  At 1400 calories, I have never felt like I was starving or hungry.  But when I hit the 1600 calories I didn't have the urges to snack!  I will keep you posted on my new study.

Yesterday I started some shopping for two outfits for the weekend.  I got a cute sweater from a store called Maurices.  I also was able to buy a size 14 jean in my favorite Style & Co brand from Macy's!  I love their jeans because it helps with my "Mommy tummy".  So while I was there, I tried on some dresses!

First I couldn't believe that I was even fitting into a 12!  A SIZE 12!!!!  It was incredible!  This dress here was just a dress I HAD to try on.  It looked gorgeous on the rack and back in May I wouldn't have even considered trying this gorgeous thing on.

For the first time ever I thought "Daaaaaaaaaamn girl you looking good!"  Now I am sure there are people out there who wouldn't agree or who feel maybe I am not "small enough" to fit into a dress like this.  You know what?  Screw you!  I felt amazing :)

My plan is to get this dress for a wedding next year.  It will be my coming out dress and I will look and feel incredible!

My next gial is to REALLY get some weights in my regimen.  I am noticing my arms and legs and tummy just aren't catching up with the rest of my loss and I am noticing.  They are the last parts changing and it is frustrating, but I know it takes time.  I just don't want floppy arms after I lose my weight!

It's just a matter of getting it done.  I just don't know how to get started or what to do!  BLAH!  I just gotta do it!  Ok my friends!  I have a super busy weekend ahead with a lot of food coming my way, but I WILL keep up with it!

As a side note, my Wheat wrap, chicken, sundried tomato hummus sandwiches have been AMAZING!  All of the extra protein is helping to keep me feeling full so I don't devour everything in the cupboard!  Stay safe to all the other food addicts out there.....I know it's tough!!

~ <3 ~
Me

YAAAAAAAWN

This is how I feel today!  I feel like my 5k was this MASSIVE adrenaline rush and now that it is over I am drained.  Not to mention that, I am assuming, from the larger inclines of the run, my calves are pretty sore!  Like painful sore!  I walked Monday thinking that would help, but it did not.

I was supposed to go running, but I didn't tonight.  My plan is to go tomorrow and then again over the weekend.  I really do want to try the gym I signed up at.  Maybe do some elliptical and run on a treadmill for the first time ever!  As well as trying not to fall on my face.  I feel like a bump on a log today.  Somewhat busy at work and I tried to stay on my feet to keep my steps going...I am just exhausted.

Tomorrow tends to be my super busy day.  I clean, do laundry, and run if I have time.  I can't wait to run tomorrow!  Lots of sun and good weather ahead!  I am motivated!! 

As I have said before, I do have a slight picky-ness with food.  Well In my Runner's World magazine I came across an AMAZING recipe for lunch!  You take chicken, use a sundried tomato paste, avacado, and put it in a pita.  So I bought wheat pitas...cooked up some chicken breast and got sundried tomato hummus.  I had it today and it was AWESOME!  I bought an avacado today to try with it as well as some lettuce.  I am so excited to try it!!  So filling and so healthy!

I am trying to get more dinner ideas though.  I am lacking in those.  I like simple and easy!  LOVE crock pot ideas too!  So, please give me some ideas my friends!  Like a recipe exchange!  Can't wait to see what you all can come up with!

~ <3 ~
Me

My First 5k!

That's me!!  That's me!!  Just coming up on the finish of my first ever 5k!  I was so nervous and frankly intimidated by the number of people there!  I signed up for this 5k months ago.  I finished my Couch to 5k app in July and have been waiting to do a 5k that doesn't involve just myself :)

It was SUCH an amazing experience!  A friend of ours was nice enough to bring me to the race and hang with me until he passed my slow ass HaHaHa .  We got there early and it was SO cold!  Thank goodness the sun came out.  It wasn't too warm and it wasn't so cold.  It really was perfect running weather!

So the race begins.....everyone is walking to the starting line.  We hit the starting line and BAM we start jogging.  I maintained 11:20-11:40/mi.  I got passed up, and I passed others.  But I kept with MY pace.  My music was blaring in my ears to keep me concentrating on my main goal.  NOT STOPPING!  I just wanted to jog the whole way and never stop to rest or catch my breath.  The last .50mi it was all uphill and I remember reading about the best way to run up hill and I kept pushing.  People were stopping at the water stops but I kept going....it was only 3mi and I never have water at home until I get home.  So off I went!

I started seeing people slowing down, starting to walk.  I refused!  I HAD to keep going!  As I make my way up that last hill my inner demon starts on me "Oh man that was hard, you should slow it down".  I bitch slapped her and pushed myself even harder!  When I heard a man say "Only about 100 yards left everyone!  Keep it up you are doing great" I kicked my ass into gear and got moving!  As I started entering the center of the town the first person I saw was my Mom in her bright blue shirt.  I was so excited and hence my thumbs up shot :)  I pushed and ran to that finish!

So from the time the race even started until I crossed the finish line it was 36:22.  The racing chip on my racing bib started timing me the minute I crossed the start line.  From MY start to finish, I ran my first 5k in 35:17!  Did you read that right!?  Yes you did, and that is what I thought when I saw the number.  When I started my couch to 5k app; the first time I jogged 3.1 mi my time was just under 48:00.  Slowly it has gotten better and my recent best was 35:50.  HOLY CRAP!  That was one hell of an improvement!  The difference?  I paced myself today.  I wasn't exhausted.  I never couldn't catch my breath.  I NEVER STOPPED!  When I am home I always end up stopping and walking because I am trying to run my miles in under 11:00/mi.  I should know better!

So, here I am sitting here....I can't believe it's over already!  I also can't wait for my next 5k in October!  That one I am running with my Mom!  It really was such a rush and I can't believe I did it!  The November 2012 me would have laughed at the idea....the September 2013 me is ready to kick ass and keep moving and stay healthy.  Let's admit it....I feel amazing and I don't look half that bad these days ;)

Thank you all for your support and pushing...Words cannot describe how I am feeling today....Complete and utter joy!

~ <3 ~
Me

Had To Share!!!!!

I shaved off 5 seconds of my all time low running 3.1mi!  I am down to 35:50!!!  WOOHOOO!

Yeah....that's all I wanted to post :)  The run, by the way, did make me feel better! :)

~ <3 ~
Me

Feeling "Bleh" Today

Some days I realize I need to vent and writing on here really helps scare the blues away.  Today is one of those days.  It's gloomy outside with the impending rain (which we need) and I start later at work today.  I am up and about trying to clean the house and do laundry.  I am just not feeling it today!

I am very nervous about my upcoming 5k on Sunday.  I am excited to get to the finish line but I am still nervous.  I clam up and freak out around large groups of people and unfamiliar situations.  I am thankful that a friend will be near me.  He convinced me to do the race!  Still, I am nervous.  I really want to do well on time but I don't want that to be going through my mind while I am running.  In reality I just want to finish the race without feeling like death :)

Yesterday at work was a bit awkward.  There was a small situation with someone there.  I don't like confrontation and enjoy living in my happy bubble where there is no hate....only fluffy clouds and unicorns!  It really rattled my bones.  I don't know why I let stuff stay with me and bother me.  Our office consultant once said "I don't make you feel a certain way.  It is how you make YOURSELF feel when you interpret it".  That is so true!

I really take things personally.  I may not show it when it happens but it sticks with me for quite awhile.  It could be a little jab at me or something to poke fun.  I will laugh and make my quick come back, but unfortunately, I am still sensitive.  I feel like I always had a high self esteem to keep myself up when maybe I didn't have the friends in school, or when I did get picked on.  As an adult.....it's EXHAUSTING!  People tell me I need to speak up and say my mind and when things hurt or bother me to say something.  I am trying.....still growing.....still learning.

My problem is I have such an open heart.  I take everyone in and when something happens to crush that "perfect" thought I am devastated!  So anywho, yesterday at work really rattled me.  My boss is amazing and supported me which I am so thankful for!  He really is an amazing boss....I am very lucky to have landed where I am today.  So, why am I still letting it bother me?  Who knows...I hate it.  I need to pray or meditate or something.  As I get older my anxiety is getting worse.

On the days that I run,  I feel amazing.....maybe I need to start running everyday?  It's my own personal antidepressant/anti-anxiety treatment!  A doctor I USED to see (notice the past tense) tried to put me on an antidepressant for my anxiety and I was a ZOMBIE for at least a month.  I took myself off of it when I realized I was falling asleep in the middle of the floor while I was playing with my kids.  I have to admit that my job then was emotionally and physically draining (mainly due to the boss I had).  Once I found another job that helped 300% and then my running has really given me an outlet.  My Dad keeps telling me to come back to Karate.  I miss it....the physical contact of hitting shit really made me feel great.  I was really involved in high school and it helped me stay fit, flexible, and strong!

I really don't know where this entry is going.  But I figured if I type it out and put it out there....I'll feel better for venting and my readers always offer great support.  I have been reading blogs out there and it is amazing seeing other peoples journeys through their weight loss and healthy living.  So inspiring.  One that resonated was a recent post HERE about how people judge others who are overweight and how they feel about it.  Such an amazing perspective.  I am guilty of it too.  Trying to put on a happy face when inside you are screaming....read up.  It is amazing!

Ok, so don't be worried about me from this post.  I am FINE.  I just needed to vent.  My husband gets an earful of my venting and I figured he needed a break ;)

As a side note, it was freaking HOT yesterday and I decided to go running at 1:30pm....yeah not so smart.  I walked a lot because I started getting chills around my lips and up my spine.  Always freaks me out when it's super hot out and while I am a sweaty mess I start shaking because I am cold....NOT good!  I tried to re run my wk2 day 2 in my 5k-10k app and failed at beating my previous time.  I wasn't surprised just because of the weather conditions.  But I did it until the end and then went further to make sure I finished that 3.1 mi!!!  I run tomorrow again....I may go today.  Just for a mile as a time check to help with my time for Sunday......AHHHH SUNDAY!!!  :)


My Fitbit is great.  The woman at work and I were hard core competing and I gave up.  She always beats me in steps.  But when I run my 3mi I try to burn more calories rather than look at the steps I have.  It always makes me smile when I do hit my 10,000/day though!  I feel like I accomplished something!  Here is a screen shot of my day yesterday.

Pretty good I think!  My best day was like 15,000 something.  That was a day I ran AND cut the grass :)  I felt amazing that day.  SUPER exhausted the next day but still great :)  Can't wait to see how I do today!

Well, enough procrastinating.  I have GOT to get some stuff done today!!  Have an amazing day everyone and thanks so much for letting me vent!  I feel so much better :)

~ <3 ~
Me