So I was talking with a friend of mine today. She really has been there with me when I was at my lowest point in my life. But let's rewind for a moment!
I was always a decently happy kid. Tried to stay positive, always saw the good in everyone and everything. I tried to anyways :) I wasn't the most popular kid in school but I wasn't the dorkiest kid either. I just stayed in the middle and that was ok with me. People knew who I was but didn't know much about me except for my friends. I went to college (a local community college) while all of my friends went away to school and enjoyed that "college experience". I tried to visit when I could.
I dated guys that were all wrong for me and it affected my schooling. I met my husband and it all just came together! It was so easy! He helped me study and in his words "I graduated from Dental Hygiene school too!" He did learn a lot with helping me :)
Right out of school I got a part time job at an amazing office. My Boss was like a friend and family. I got engaged and decided I needed a full time job if we wanted a house so that I could contribute. It broke my heart to leave but I had to do it for my FUTURE family! So I got a full time job quickly and was there through getting married and giving birth to our daughter. I was 5 months pregnant with our son when my Boss told me he had sold his office to another Dentist. Hormones probably affected my response MORE than my brain, but I was devastated. The new Boss and I were not on the same page with many things and I had made up my mind that during my maternity leave I would find another job.
Not soon after that a Doctor hired me, 7 months pregnant, to work at his office. I was there 3 months before our son was born and it was AMAZING! I loved the people I worked with and I loved my boss and the environment I was working in! I came back from maternity leave and THIS my friends is when I can honestly tell you I went a little crazy! (insert crazy smiley face from above)
It was different. My Boss was different. I wouldn't get home until 6:30pm on a night I should be home by 5:15pm! I would get home at 9:00pm on a night I should be home by 7! I worked there a year with this life and it RUINED me! I missed dinner every night for a year. I missed milestones with my children and husband for a year. I lost out on my LIFE for a year. I decided to start seeing someone to talk to....maybe it would help? It did a little, but not enough to change how awful I was feeling.
I didn't want to do anything. I sat on the couch online all the time, or watched TV all night. I was there physically, but mentally I had checked out. I was surrounded by an amazing family, my incredible children, and my supportive and loving husband, but I still felt so alone! I started going out with friends and staying out until 2-3 in the morning. It had to stop! I told myself "You are 30 years old! Grow up and deal with your shit!". I was making poor decisions and looking back I am ashamed, but you can't change the past! You can only learn from it!
I had an amazing job opportunity come up. Closer to home, great hours, a little less $ hourly but I'd be home more. I took it and despite my Boss trying to tell me what a rude awakening I'd have going over to this new office, I felt amazing about my decision. I started my new job (just after breaking my ankle). My first day working there was it's own therapy. I came home EARLY! Our daughter immediately said, as I walked through the door, "Mommy is home for dinner??". That alone made me know I had made the right decision.
I love my job! Every place of employment has their ups and downs, and sure some days I go home and think "Why can't I be a lady of leisure?" But 99.9% of the time I feel like I am "Home". My fellow employees are amazing and we may have our moments with each other, but when you have 10 women in an office together.....if there ISN'T drama I would be surprised! My Boss is incredibly supportive and encourages that Family comes before Work. That is what sold me on taking the job in the first place :)
So, I had been there and all of a sudden I had a falling out with a friend over.....you guessed it....DRAMA! This friend was with me while I was doing my partying til 2am. It was shortly after I started my Couch to 5k program. I thought we had a good friendship but apparently I was wrong. It is amazing how quickly things can become ugly and hateful in such a short period of time. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before...I was honestly shocked. Things were said and things were done to me that will never be forgotten. It isn't worth the time mentioning it because it's over and done with. But this would be a HUGE turning point in my "recovery".
The new job helped get me out of my depression. I say depression because looking back, I know that's what it was. Losing the negative energy in my life was the final step. I was looking at what was most important. Being around and being healthy for my kids, husband and family. Also, just to ENJOY LIFE!!!
I look at life in a whole new way now! With more energy and more appreciation! Coming back to the beginning of my post. My best friend and I got to chat today. Doesn't seem like a big deal, but she recently moved to another country, so the time difference can be tricky, but we make due. She always is there for me literally through thick and thin (did you catch my weight joke?). When I was at my lowest point in my life, she stuck by me and was there for me 24/7. It's just comforting to know through all the chaos that she was always there and didn't run :) I am also thankful my husband doesn't mind me take the time to connect with her. We always joke that I am having an affair because every time I am on the phone or texting it is probably her :)
So, after the lowest of lows....I survived. I turned things around and am always striving for a better life with my amazingly supportive husband, our incredible kids, and my wonderfully supportive family and friends.
I couldn't imagine what my Mom was going through as she watched me slowly fall away. She stuck with me and was and always is so supportive. It has to be hard watching your child spiral out of control and not be able to do anything to help. So, thank you Mom! I can say I am doing AWESOME!!!
Thank you to my husband. Because of my issues, he was left with practically being a single parent because I had checked out and didn't do ANYTHING. Words cannot describe the deep love I have for you that will be with me until we are old and grey :). You are an amazing husband and an even more incredible father.
Thank you to all of you for reading! I don't know why I felt the need to post this, but I did! Don't ever be scared to ask for help or to change your life for the better....no matter the circumstances. If it improves your life and the lives of those around you, it is a great decision!!
~ <3 ~
Me
Our chats are awesome and I wouldn't trade them for the world! I'd like to think you've been there for me as much if not more then I have been for you!
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