Holy Moly!!!!

This, my friends, is how I felt this morning after finishing my run.  I ran NON-STOP (well I walked 2mins at the end of my run) for 3.50 miles!  I was so happy!  I kept telling myself not to look at my distance.  Why?  Because as soon as I would hit that 3.1 I knew I would be a lazy ass and start slowing down and walking.  I am pretty good with knowing when I will wuss out on things and THAT was one of those moments.  My legs are sore, but a good sore  I have been doing a lot of stretching since I got back.  It felt good to get out in the sun.  There is a nice breeze off the lake today so it was the perfect balance of cool and warm.  Great running weather today!

One of the things I have a hard time with is change.  I have posted about my anxiety about un-known things and hopefully didn't make myself sound like a lunatic.  HOWEVER, today was HUGE!  I ran out of our development and down the main road to to my "course" today.  I needed a change and it was just what I needed!  My first goal to accomplish on this way is to be able to run past the ice cream shop and back home....probably a good 6 miles maybe?  The way I would run anyways...if we drove we'd take the quick way and be there in no time :)

Anyway, it felt great!  I was on the pavement feeling the gravel.  Sidewalks tend to bore me and almost are more of a work out and are more exhausting just because they vary going up and down SO much!  I can't wait to accomplish this goal!  I have to map it out on map my run and see how many miles it is!

Fall is here, which means winter is close behind, so I am preparing myself to begin running at the gym.  I have to keep after myself so that I don't take the easy way out for me and do an elliptical.  I am nervous yet excited knowing that I can continue my journey without any interruption on the way.

My next item on the list is weight training.  I REALLY need to get into gear because as I am losing weight, I am getting floppy.  Floppy arms, floppy thighs, floppy tummy.  I gotta tighten all of that up before it starts just sagging there like a piece of road kill. :)  I wish I had a friend close by that did weight training that could take me twice a week to my gym and (for free) just guide me with what to do.  I've never properly used gym equipment other than an elliptical machine.  So, A) there are random men also using the machines and B) I don't want to do something and hurt myself.
So, now I need to get ready for my day of work!  No one wants a stinky lady cleaning their teeth ;)

~ <3 ~
Me

Props to fox1047 for the image that I took off Deviant Art

Why so much anxiety?

I don't know why new situations give me anxiety. I really do have a problem Ha Ha Ha. I am trying to get on my winter schedule of running on my half days of work and on the weekends. It's easier to get to the gym when I'm at work. It's closer. Plus since it gets dark so early, my days of running after the kids are in bed are numbered. No, I am not comfortable running in the dark. No I won't use a light to help. It just freaks me out and I'm uncomfortable alone.....in the streets....at night!

So my plan is to start hitting up the gym if it isn't nice during the day. My anxiety is at its highest level because I'm petrified to run on a treadmill. What if I hate it?  What if it makes me hate running?  I am freaking out over something so small and insignificant but to me it's big!  Today it's supposed to be nice out so I plan on running outside today. 

I have my next 5k coming up!!  It's in just two weeks and YES I'm freaking out!!!  The pressure is on to do as well or better than the one I ran a fee weeks ago. I can't wait for it because my Mom is running with me this time!!  Yay!!!!  Still nervous though. 

I haven't been running since last Thursday. The scale is showing it :(   I have GOT to get my butt in gear!  No going backwards!  Only forwards!  Just keep swimming right? :)

Some Inspiration!

I always come across someone in my journey who truly inspires me.  This gentleman is such an inspiration to me!  So dedicated and when there are down days he picks it back up and keeps going strong!  Thank YOU BeingKevin!  You truly are a mentor and inspiration to everyone in their journeys!

Check out his blog RIGHT HERE It is amazing!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Holy Weight Loss Batman!

I have done fairly well this week!  Just earlier in the week I documented a 2lb loss.  And yesterday I lost another pound!  I was ecstatic!  I felt like I really was moving and couldn't figure out why!  I looked back at my food logging and realized 2 things.

First, I wasn't eating very much sugar....which has really given me a bit of energy!  Second, I have been eating 1600 calories instead of the 1400 that I have my goal set to.  Now, I don't know if this is  the reason or a fluke or what the deal is, but I am kind of testing the waters.  At 1400 calories, I have never felt like I was starving or hungry.  But when I hit the 1600 calories I didn't have the urges to snack!  I will keep you posted on my new study.

Yesterday I started some shopping for two outfits for the weekend.  I got a cute sweater from a store called Maurices.  I also was able to buy a size 14 jean in my favorite Style & Co brand from Macy's!  I love their jeans because it helps with my "Mommy tummy".  So while I was there, I tried on some dresses!

First I couldn't believe that I was even fitting into a 12!  A SIZE 12!!!!  It was incredible!  This dress here was just a dress I HAD to try on.  It looked gorgeous on the rack and back in May I wouldn't have even considered trying this gorgeous thing on.

For the first time ever I thought "Daaaaaaaaaamn girl you looking good!"  Now I am sure there are people out there who wouldn't agree or who feel maybe I am not "small enough" to fit into a dress like this.  You know what?  Screw you!  I felt amazing :)

My plan is to get this dress for a wedding next year.  It will be my coming out dress and I will look and feel incredible!

My next gial is to REALLY get some weights in my regimen.  I am noticing my arms and legs and tummy just aren't catching up with the rest of my loss and I am noticing.  They are the last parts changing and it is frustrating, but I know it takes time.  I just don't want floppy arms after I lose my weight!

It's just a matter of getting it done.  I just don't know how to get started or what to do!  BLAH!  I just gotta do it!  Ok my friends!  I have a super busy weekend ahead with a lot of food coming my way, but I WILL keep up with it!

As a side note, my Wheat wrap, chicken, sundried tomato hummus sandwiches have been AMAZING!  All of the extra protein is helping to keep me feeling full so I don't devour everything in the cupboard!  Stay safe to all the other food addicts out there.....I know it's tough!!

~ <3 ~
Me

YAAAAAAAWN

This is how I feel today!  I feel like my 5k was this MASSIVE adrenaline rush and now that it is over I am drained.  Not to mention that, I am assuming, from the larger inclines of the run, my calves are pretty sore!  Like painful sore!  I walked Monday thinking that would help, but it did not.

I was supposed to go running, but I didn't tonight.  My plan is to go tomorrow and then again over the weekend.  I really do want to try the gym I signed up at.  Maybe do some elliptical and run on a treadmill for the first time ever!  As well as trying not to fall on my face.  I feel like a bump on a log today.  Somewhat busy at work and I tried to stay on my feet to keep my steps going...I am just exhausted.

Tomorrow tends to be my super busy day.  I clean, do laundry, and run if I have time.  I can't wait to run tomorrow!  Lots of sun and good weather ahead!  I am motivated!! 

As I have said before, I do have a slight picky-ness with food.  Well In my Runner's World magazine I came across an AMAZING recipe for lunch!  You take chicken, use a sundried tomato paste, avacado, and put it in a pita.  So I bought wheat pitas...cooked up some chicken breast and got sundried tomato hummus.  I had it today and it was AWESOME!  I bought an avacado today to try with it as well as some lettuce.  I am so excited to try it!!  So filling and so healthy!

I am trying to get more dinner ideas though.  I am lacking in those.  I like simple and easy!  LOVE crock pot ideas too!  So, please give me some ideas my friends!  Like a recipe exchange!  Can't wait to see what you all can come up with!

~ <3 ~
Me

My First 5k!

That's me!!  That's me!!  Just coming up on the finish of my first ever 5k!  I was so nervous and frankly intimidated by the number of people there!  I signed up for this 5k months ago.  I finished my Couch to 5k app in July and have been waiting to do a 5k that doesn't involve just myself :)

It was SUCH an amazing experience!  A friend of ours was nice enough to bring me to the race and hang with me until he passed my slow ass HaHaHa .  We got there early and it was SO cold!  Thank goodness the sun came out.  It wasn't too warm and it wasn't so cold.  It really was perfect running weather!

So the race begins.....everyone is walking to the starting line.  We hit the starting line and BAM we start jogging.  I maintained 11:20-11:40/mi.  I got passed up, and I passed others.  But I kept with MY pace.  My music was blaring in my ears to keep me concentrating on my main goal.  NOT STOPPING!  I just wanted to jog the whole way and never stop to rest or catch my breath.  The last .50mi it was all uphill and I remember reading about the best way to run up hill and I kept pushing.  People were stopping at the water stops but I kept going....it was only 3mi and I never have water at home until I get home.  So off I went!

I started seeing people slowing down, starting to walk.  I refused!  I HAD to keep going!  As I make my way up that last hill my inner demon starts on me "Oh man that was hard, you should slow it down".  I bitch slapped her and pushed myself even harder!  When I heard a man say "Only about 100 yards left everyone!  Keep it up you are doing great" I kicked my ass into gear and got moving!  As I started entering the center of the town the first person I saw was my Mom in her bright blue shirt.  I was so excited and hence my thumbs up shot :)  I pushed and ran to that finish!

So from the time the race even started until I crossed the finish line it was 36:22.  The racing chip on my racing bib started timing me the minute I crossed the start line.  From MY start to finish, I ran my first 5k in 35:17!  Did you read that right!?  Yes you did, and that is what I thought when I saw the number.  When I started my couch to 5k app; the first time I jogged 3.1 mi my time was just under 48:00.  Slowly it has gotten better and my recent best was 35:50.  HOLY CRAP!  That was one hell of an improvement!  The difference?  I paced myself today.  I wasn't exhausted.  I never couldn't catch my breath.  I NEVER STOPPED!  When I am home I always end up stopping and walking because I am trying to run my miles in under 11:00/mi.  I should know better!

So, here I am sitting here....I can't believe it's over already!  I also can't wait for my next 5k in October!  That one I am running with my Mom!  It really was such a rush and I can't believe I did it!  The November 2012 me would have laughed at the idea....the September 2013 me is ready to kick ass and keep moving and stay healthy.  Let's admit it....I feel amazing and I don't look half that bad these days ;)

Thank you all for your support and pushing...Words cannot describe how I am feeling today....Complete and utter joy!

~ <3 ~
Me

Had To Share!!!!!

I shaved off 5 seconds of my all time low running 3.1mi!  I am down to 35:50!!!  WOOHOOO!

Yeah....that's all I wanted to post :)  The run, by the way, did make me feel better! :)

~ <3 ~
Me

Feeling "Bleh" Today

Some days I realize I need to vent and writing on here really helps scare the blues away.  Today is one of those days.  It's gloomy outside with the impending rain (which we need) and I start later at work today.  I am up and about trying to clean the house and do laundry.  I am just not feeling it today!

I am very nervous about my upcoming 5k on Sunday.  I am excited to get to the finish line but I am still nervous.  I clam up and freak out around large groups of people and unfamiliar situations.  I am thankful that a friend will be near me.  He convinced me to do the race!  Still, I am nervous.  I really want to do well on time but I don't want that to be going through my mind while I am running.  In reality I just want to finish the race without feeling like death :)

Yesterday at work was a bit awkward.  There was a small situation with someone there.  I don't like confrontation and enjoy living in my happy bubble where there is no hate....only fluffy clouds and unicorns!  It really rattled my bones.  I don't know why I let stuff stay with me and bother me.  Our office consultant once said "I don't make you feel a certain way.  It is how you make YOURSELF feel when you interpret it".  That is so true!

I really take things personally.  I may not show it when it happens but it sticks with me for quite awhile.  It could be a little jab at me or something to poke fun.  I will laugh and make my quick come back, but unfortunately, I am still sensitive.  I feel like I always had a high self esteem to keep myself up when maybe I didn't have the friends in school, or when I did get picked on.  As an adult.....it's EXHAUSTING!  People tell me I need to speak up and say my mind and when things hurt or bother me to say something.  I am trying.....still growing.....still learning.

My problem is I have such an open heart.  I take everyone in and when something happens to crush that "perfect" thought I am devastated!  So anywho, yesterday at work really rattled me.  My boss is amazing and supported me which I am so thankful for!  He really is an amazing boss....I am very lucky to have landed where I am today.  So, why am I still letting it bother me?  Who knows...I hate it.  I need to pray or meditate or something.  As I get older my anxiety is getting worse.

On the days that I run,  I feel amazing.....maybe I need to start running everyday?  It's my own personal antidepressant/anti-anxiety treatment!  A doctor I USED to see (notice the past tense) tried to put me on an antidepressant for my anxiety and I was a ZOMBIE for at least a month.  I took myself off of it when I realized I was falling asleep in the middle of the floor while I was playing with my kids.  I have to admit that my job then was emotionally and physically draining (mainly due to the boss I had).  Once I found another job that helped 300% and then my running has really given me an outlet.  My Dad keeps telling me to come back to Karate.  I miss it....the physical contact of hitting shit really made me feel great.  I was really involved in high school and it helped me stay fit, flexible, and strong!

I really don't know where this entry is going.  But I figured if I type it out and put it out there....I'll feel better for venting and my readers always offer great support.  I have been reading blogs out there and it is amazing seeing other peoples journeys through their weight loss and healthy living.  So inspiring.  One that resonated was a recent post HERE about how people judge others who are overweight and how they feel about it.  Such an amazing perspective.  I am guilty of it too.  Trying to put on a happy face when inside you are screaming....read up.  It is amazing!

Ok, so don't be worried about me from this post.  I am FINE.  I just needed to vent.  My husband gets an earful of my venting and I figured he needed a break ;)

As a side note, it was freaking HOT yesterday and I decided to go running at 1:30pm....yeah not so smart.  I walked a lot because I started getting chills around my lips and up my spine.  Always freaks me out when it's super hot out and while I am a sweaty mess I start shaking because I am cold....NOT good!  I tried to re run my wk2 day 2 in my 5k-10k app and failed at beating my previous time.  I wasn't surprised just because of the weather conditions.  But I did it until the end and then went further to make sure I finished that 3.1 mi!!!  I run tomorrow again....I may go today.  Just for a mile as a time check to help with my time for Sunday......AHHHH SUNDAY!!!  :)


My Fitbit is great.  The woman at work and I were hard core competing and I gave up.  She always beats me in steps.  But when I run my 3mi I try to burn more calories rather than look at the steps I have.  It always makes me smile when I do hit my 10,000/day though!  I feel like I accomplished something!  Here is a screen shot of my day yesterday.

Pretty good I think!  My best day was like 15,000 something.  That was a day I ran AND cut the grass :)  I felt amazing that day.  SUPER exhausted the next day but still great :)  Can't wait to see how I do today!

Well, enough procrastinating.  I have GOT to get some stuff done today!!  Have an amazing day everyone and thanks so much for letting me vent!  I feel so much better :)

~ <3 ~
Me

My Addiction To Food

I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about eating a doughnut until I saw this picture......YUUUUM!

So I have said it before and I will say it again.  I think food is the DEBIL and yet I can't live without it.  It isn't even that I love ALL food....just the ones that aren't good for me.  If it is near me, I will eat it.  I will take a bite which leads me to come back later for another bite, then another.  I end up eating half of what is there, but make sure I time my snacking so no one sees me and no one would know it was ME who ate it all.

Since I have started my journey in May, I have REALLY been keeping track of my eating on My Fitness Pal .  I keep my diary open so EVERYONE can see it.  For some reason it helps with my guilt factor.  Meaning if I eat awful, everyone will see it and judge me and persecute me to no end about my awful horrible choices.  They aren't mean at all and everyone is so supportive, so that has helped me a ton.

Growing up, my Mom always made amazing dinners.  Casseroles, home made spaghetti, chicken, pork chops.  We were never allowed sugary cereals.  It was Cheerios, Rice Krispies, Kix, or Rice Chex.  She is an A-MA-ZING cook.  As far back as I can remember I was always a picky eater.  My Mom and Dad would make me sit at the table until I at least ate ONE BITE!  Just one!  I was so dramatic. 

I hate the taste of chicken, pork, steaks.....I HATE it!  I won't eat chicken unless it is in a wrap or a bun (cut in super tiny pieces).  I refuse to eat steak or pork chops.  I WILL eat pulled pork.  The only veggie I will eat is carrots and they need to be dipped in some type of dressing.  I do love fruits though.  A LOT!  I love my carbs.  Pasta, pizza, bread.  I love breakfast foods and cereals :)

I wish I would have learned to love foods more so that I could cook for my family better.  So that I, MYSELF, would eat what is made.  It's like I'm sabotaging my children before they even have a choice of what they do or do not like to eat.  They do love all of their veggies though.  That has made me happy, and YES I buy them a ton of it :)

Any advice for helping me with this huge issue???  I don't know if it's the textures or the actual tastes...I've tried eating them prepared multiple ways.  Nothing helps and I just can't do it!  Help!!

~ <3 ~
Me

My New Inspiration

There is always someone in your life that is an inspiration.  Whether it be your Pastor, a family member, or a friend.  I have many inspirations, but one new inspiration has me mesmerized by his writing!  He is a young man who woke one morning and began the most incredible journey.

I came across his blog through My Fitness Pal and am so thankful!  Whether he was brought to my attention because things are feeling difficult in my own personal lifestyle journey, or just to be a motivator to keep me going strong.  The things he has been through are astonishing and so motivational. 

His name is Kyle and you have GOT to check out his blog HERE  You will NOT be disappointed!

So thank YOU sir for inspiring others with your journey and inspiring me!

~ <3 ~
Me

Proof of Losing

I have been DREADING this post for awhile.  I was nervous, scared, excited, proud.  SUCH a mixture of emotions I just didn't know if I should even do it!  BUT, here it is!

 May 2013 - 200 lbs - lazy, tired, exhausted.  I felt awful about my body and had nothing to wear!

This is today; September 2013 - 180 lbs - active, running, energetic, confident.  I am still not comfortable with my body, BUT I feel better about it :)

A lot of my weight is in my stomach/hips/thighs.  I recently joined a gym for winter time and I plan on running my 3x a week, but also doing weights 2x a week.  They offer one free training session that I PLAN on taking advantage of.  Or finding someone to help me while I am there!

The after picture just makes me smile.  If you could see my face in these pictures, you can see my expressions.  the 200 lb me was frowing....slouching....sad.  You could just see how miserable I was.  And as the pictures have progressed (I have slacked at doing my monthly photos, but have tried) I can see the change.  I stand up straighter, my smile is wider.  I am more confident!

So again....thank you to ALL who have been so supportive!  I run my first 5k in one week and I would be lying if I didn't say I was PETRIFIED!  I don't do well in unfamiliar places.  My anxiety kicks in full force!  It starts at 10:30 am but we have to register at 8:30am....I don't want to wait!  LoL

Wish me luck, and YES I will have pictures to share.  Have a great Sunday everyone!

~ <3 ~
Me

Recovering From Vacation

I know I haven't been posting, and the reason was that we went on our first family vacation!  We left on Labor Day and headed to the Smokey Mountains in Tennessee.  It was wonderful....hot and muggy, but nice!  I think the kids were a little young for this trip as they didn't have much to do so they got a bit bored no matter what we tried.

I was petrified!  I didn't run all week.  I TRIED to keep up with my good eating and failed except for our last day there because I was mostly in the car.  Couldn't keep up with my steps!  I honestly felt depressed and down.  I was lazy this week and my body was telling me!  I can't do that!

Surprisingly enough, I weighed myself last night right before bed (mistake #1).  Mistake #2 was that I even bothered to weigh myself after our vacation HaHaHa.  I did it anyways and my weight was the same!!  Still 20lbs down!  I couldn't believe it!

This, I can honestly say, is the first picture I have seen of myself where I didn't think "Oh wow I look HUGE!".  My husband has told me I am looking great.  My Mom has been telling me that I am looking great.....everyone has said something small or big in the same sense that I am looking better.  For the first time.....ME!!!  I FINALLY see it!  I plan on taking my new picture this weekend and posting my before and after for my 20lb loss.  I am PETRIFIED to compare but excited all at the same time.

My Fitbit numbers have been awful.  I spend two full days in a car and the other days we were really only walking so often.  BUT we enjoyed ourselves!

Starting fresh today!  My eating is better...i COULD be more active, but I am getting there :)  I am watching some incredible motivators.  Through their blogs, on My Fitness Pal , in life.  They really are inspirations, so thank you to all of you for keeping me on my toes and healthy!  You all being on my case really is great!!

Ok, I just wanted to touch base, I will try to post more soon!  Thank you for reading :)

~ <3 ~
Me