Hit The Bottom

I have officially hit my rock bottom point since starting my journey.  Not everything I do and everything I post is positive.  Sometimes I have to keep it real and be honest with myself and others and let you know that it isn't always a glamorous fitness life.

I got dressed this morning....looked in the mirror.  I saw it.  I felt it.  I looked squishier.  My smaller jeans are getting uncomfortable.  My face is getting rounder.

My eating has been out of control.  My fitness has been lacking.  Just because I am an online fitness coach doesn't mean I can't have moments of weakness.  I still struggle with my eating issues.

I have to do something.  I haven't gotten this far to lose it all.  I worked too hard to give up.  YES I am stressed.....YES I have a lot going on, but I CAN'T use these as excuses!  I WILL NOT GIVE UP!

I refuse to be that tired, lazy, exhausted Mom.  I refuse to be the woman ashamed of her body. 

I WILL be the wife I intended to always be
I WILL be the mother that runs and plays with her children
I WILL be the woman who walks with confidence
I WILL get back into a routine
I WILL start eating better
I WILL NOT........GIVE UP!!!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

I'm Back....Right?

WOW!  Almost 2 months since my last blog post!

Well, a lot has changed since then.  First, I have been eating horribly and NOT working out other than my weekly training sessions.  Second, I decided NOT to do the body competition next year.  For me, it is not a good fit with my lifestyle at the moment.

I realized I was spending HOURS at the gym rather than with my family, and it was not what I wanted.  I DO want to get healthy and I DO want to get back in shape.  So, my trainer and I discussed it and he worked up a new plan for me.

Going back to basics!  Starting over!  Back to the beginning to get back on a good track.  To be honest with you, my eating has taken the WORST toll.  Back to my old ways, and it is even worse now because there is no yummy summer fruits that are local and fresh!  I can feel it.  I feel lazy and tired all the time.  I don't feel healthy! 

I really let myself slide this summer by NOT keeping up with my three times a week of running.  I got lazy with it.  I almost had that "I know i can do it so i don't have to prove it to myself" attitude.  I let it pass by and I am angry with myself.  I need to get back to it....I WILL DO IT!

I HAVE to do it!  One of these years I WILL wear a two piece bathingsuit...one of these days I WILL finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  I hope :)

I have to for all of the same reasons that I did it a year and a half ago!  The reasons haven't changed.  My desire for it hasn't changed.  Mentally I need to get back with it and FAST!

Sorry for being gone for so long and thanks for reading this if you stuck with me :)

~ <3 ~
Me

The Inner Crossfit Struggle and Other Struggles

**Warning - Rant Near The End**

Ok, so recently I started researching Crossfit.  My trainer doesn't like it so much, doctors don't seem to support it, and article upon article I read tells me I will become hospitalized and just fall to pieces.

On the other side, I have friends that are avid "Crossfitters" and some that go every once and awhile.  I also know people who are hard core into it and everything else sucks.

I am so confused!  There are two "Boxes" near my home.  Probably the same distance, however they have different hours.  One has later hours for WOD time and the other has them in the morning/afternoon.  Both have mandatory newbie type classes to learn technique and such so that you DON'T fall to pieces.

I feel like as much time as I put into researching, I can't find anything that makes me decide one way or the other.

On top of that I have the financial struggle.  I want so bad to start the Piyo program through BeachBody and train with my friend who has become a coach.  It's so expensive and I just can't swing it right now but I want to so bad!  OH the struggles LOL

It is so frustrating that almost daily we are bombarded with these "options" for us.  WHICH, by the way, none of them are cheap or feesable.  Why should I have to sit and say "Hmmm groceries this week or a new fitness routine?".  The one that aggravates me the most is the "Hmmm $100 for groceries, or $300 for organic pesticide free so my family can grow healthy and disease free."

WHY SHOULD WE HAVE TO MAKE THAT DECISION?!?!?!?!?!

It should be organic or bust.  We don't need bananas the size of a squirrel or watermelons the side of my 3 year old son.  I will take organic over not ANY day.  BUT.....why does it have to be so expensive.  They are making it too easy to choose the disease causing foods because it's affordable.  Because in today's times you need a double income to aid in child care, mortgages, and other expenses.  SO when it comes to your monthly expenses you have to save money.  After cutting tv, phone....you start looking elsewhere and it is TOO easy to do it to the food.

It digusts me that we live in a country so in bed with pharmaceutical companies and the government that SOMEHOW they have brainwashed a large percentage of people that live here.  Look around....how many fit people do you see?  Not as many as I would like.  When you go out to eat, why do they give you food for 4 people on your plate?

Ok, seriously I could go on and on and on.

My squirrel moment brought to you via: Our son announcing he is swinging by himself.....and he is.  Pumping his legs.  All by himself.  

Ok, so any who.  I guess I am just so overwhelmed that I don't know what to do, where to start, and what to believe.  My sensory issues are on overload and I think I am losing my mind.

If you have made it this far, I applaud you and thank you.  If you didn't, I totally get it :)

~ <3 ~
Me

RIP Fitbit One

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! 

I was putting laundry away and noticed something felt funny on my capri pants.  YEP!  I washed and dried my Fitbit One.  I am so lost for the past week and I just haven't known what to do with myself!

I love my husband....he got a Fitbit Zip through work and offered it to me.  He uses it everyday!  He knows how much I rely on mine though and it was such a sweet gesture!  SO, I booted it up and it is all connected to my profile and all.  UGGGHHHH.  I did get in contact with fitbit but because I bought it on eBay they will not honor any warranty on it.

One day I will get another one because I really liked the set up and size of my "One".  For now to save money, he sacrificed his Fitbit so I had one to use.

They went to the Air Show today so I could stay home and organize and get things together around the house.  I haven't gotten much done (big surprise there).  I am trying though!  I haven't worked out or ran since Wednesday and I am feeling it.  However, I decently have been keeping up with the eating plan from Tommy, so that has been getting better.

It isn't as bad as I thought....it isn't easy by any means, but it isn't too awful.  I feel really full most of the time which is amazing.  I feel like I wouldn't be full at all.  Lots of greens and proteins and nuts.  Not a big fan of walnuts, but I will make due so that I can boost my body to do amazing things!

Ok, I need to get back to it, but had to share about my sad moment in losing my dear Fitbit :)

Song of The Day - "Don't" - Ed Sheeran <---- I am LOVING his music right now!

~ <3 ~
Me

Feeling Finicky

This is how I feel today!  I am only on day 2 of my eating plan from my trainer and I want to punch this cute bunny in it's face!  My first round of food is for 4 weeks......UGGHHH.  I love food....not the best food but I love it....

Spinach is the devil and I hope I can do this for 3 more weeks!! 

I don't know what else to type.  I am tired.....I have training tomorrow morning....sleepy sleepy

~ <3 ~
Me

Organizing and De-Stressing

So after the kids went to bed tonight, I sat down with a few things in mind. 

Number one on my list of things to do was to create a daily checklist.  Sometimes I am just running around like a chicken with my head cut off and go go go go go that my day is over and then I do it all over again.  Second was sitting down and going through my trainer's food recommendations and figuring out how I am going to accomplish it.

I DID IT!!!  I got my checklist done AND added in what foods I need to eat!  I am so excited and motivated and just excited!!!

I seriously can't wait to see how I do with slimming down and dropping weight....nervous and excited.  I am gonna be eating a TON of chicken LMAO :)

My checklist makes me laugh but it is what I need.  Make bed, pack lunch (and what to pack), dinner (what to eat), work out, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming.  It sucks but my mind  SQUIRREL  is so chaotic some days.

Ok, I just had to share, but have an amazing week everyone!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Holiday Exhaustion

***BE PREPARED!  This entry is long, jumbled, and not so focused on the journey as it is a venting post.  Read with caution!***

I enjoy the long holidays/summer vacations because it gets me away from the daily grind of work.  HOWEVER, it also causes me to stray from my routine because I am so busy with my family that I don't have that designated "Me Time" to go running or work out.

I have had an amazing weekend with my family though.  Fireworks with the kids, my niece had her first birthday party, we took the kids to play some putt putt for the first time ever, and we did a lot of longing by the fire and drinking.  Lot's of enjoyable times!

I need to start making a list of things I need to accomplish on a daily level.  I sometimes get overwhelmed in my mind and then I don't get anything done!  Yes, things as simple as laundry or vacuuming are all on this list.  It makes it easier to prioritize and organize my thoughts.  I get distracted very easily.  After this crazy weekend I still have things to get done.  However my most exciting moment was my husband hanging a clothes line for me.  Simple yet exciting.  I love hanging the laundry to dry!!

SO, back on track.  I decided to start training for a half marathon......I was supposed to start Friday.....aaaaaand I haven't started yet.  I am having a hard time putting it together with my "training homework" that I am trying to maintain every other day.  This has also left me somewhat overwhelmed.  I feel like I have so much on my plate to do towards this new goal and I don't know where to plot it all out.

I have been a RAGING bitch the past 2 weeks.  I haven't known why, I just have had so much pent up frustration that I wanted to punch something!  I kept saying "It's not my period because I just got that like a week ago!"  Low and behold BAM there it starts.  I can honestly say I am a more emotional and depressed PMS-er but I was the raving BITCH PMS-er this month.  I felt AWFUL!  For my husband, my kids, my co-workers.  Yeah Wow.....it was bad.

Again, off topic, but it really affected my fitness goals!  I didn't do ANYTHING!  My poor trainer!  PT day came and he walked in and I said "I am raging and feel like I should punch someone or something, so let's work it out!"  When I was done it did help a little but I was still cranky.  I still am cranky!

I am just full of positive things right now aren't I!?  Blah!  Ok, I am done sharing, but exhausted and now I will eat pizza for dinner and plan our food for the week.  How I love my crock pot!

Thanks for sticking through this if you did!

~ <3 ~
Me

Time To Face The Food

I feel like that is me telling my daughter "Oh honey....those are yummy.  Mommy has had 20 already!  Do you want to share one more with me?"  It truly is ridiculous.  It is time to.....

FACE THE FOOD!

I seriously need to get this food and eating together already.  I need to focus on a leaner intake and cut down on my carbs and sugars.  I don't eat NEARLY as much as I used to or as poorly as I used to, but I still love my junk.

Hello......my name is Beth......and I am a carb-aholic.  It is awful and I hate it but I love them and they love me and you can't tell me anything otherwise!  Pizza, sandwiches, pastas.  I also am realizing that despite trying to eat better, I still have a higher sugar intake.  Ice cream!  Curse you ice cream!  Slowly but surely I am trying to tweak it without getting overwhelmed so that I stick with it instead of giving up on it.

I am dedicated this week to my fitness routine and planning on sticking with that better (YES including my PT "homework") but I have GOT to get this food thing together because I want to start seeing results faster and the only way I am going to do that is if I discipline myself more and really get to it!

My patient that referred me to my trainer had a series of three photos that she posted online.  Month one, month two and month three. HOLY CRAP!  The muscle definition and tone she has gotten has been incredible!

My friend Yurisa has been with her trainer probably a short while longer than me and has dropped 30lbs and looks amazing. 

OBVIOUSLY I am doing something wrong!  The only thing I am thinking that isn't quite in tune yet is my eating.  I am so frustrated and aggravated today!!!  I just want this all to be done and be fit and just maintain already.  I figure though it took me probably almost 20 years and 2 kids to get to the point I was at.....I know it can't happen over night.

Ugghhh....I just want the day to come where I can't really find a spot that I see on my body and say "ugghhhh I can't wait for that to be tighter/more toned/not so flabby".  I also wish I didn't think this way about my body.  One day I think I look amazing and then I see myself in a picture or just looking in the mirror the next day and think I look huge.  I mean compared to where I was, I look and feel amazing, but I am not there yet.  I have SUCH a far way to go.

HOW MUCH LONGER!?  Probably not as long if I just face the food, listen to my amazing trainer, and just get shit done already!!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Why I Chose A Personal Trainer

I hear so many different things from so many different people.

"I know what I need to do...why should I pay for it?"
"I can just do this at home"
"What can they possibly tell you that you don't already know?"
"I can just look it up online and find routines."

Here is the thing.  I tried working out at home.  I tried the DVD's.  No matter how much I research online, I feel overwhelmed.  There is SO much stuff out there.  Arms, legs, back, chest....HOOOOOOOLD on a minute.  I mean how much weight should I be using....how many times should I do it?  I will tell you what.  I can't take it!

You know what?  Go.  Right now.  Get on Google and search fitness routines or strength training routines.  How many did you find?  I found over 20,000,000.  That's MILLION in case you didn't notice.  Who has time to sift through all of that garbage?!

When I was at my old gym, I did one free training session.  You know, the usual.  "This is what this machine does....give it a try".  BLEH.  Anywho, I had dropped 20lbs by this point and knew I needed to start building up muscle to take care of my "flappy skin".  It was starting to hang on me and I needed to do something and something fast.  So, I signed up for training with a trainer (let's just call him Bob).  As I am talking to "Bob" I am trying to get to know him.

I ask him where he went to school to get his degree.  His response was "Oh I didn't go to school for this, but I went through certification."  (granted I am sure there are certified trainers who are amazing at their jobs and are very passionate, so please don't take offense) Why this didn't stop me in my tracks....I just figured that this was ok for me.  From there we went right to mainly leg machines as he talked to other members on and off the whole time.  I had training with Bob once a week.  My concern was my knee because after running I was in so much pain.  So he said we needed to strengthen my thigh and my inner thigh to protect my knee.  That was the end of that.  No weigh in.  No measurements.  I had no idea where I started and where I was headed or what my goals were.

I can honestly tell you that when I went for those training sessions....I was in SO much pain!  I couldn't sit down on a toilet without support for AT LEAST 3-4 days.  I do this routine on a weekly basis for 2 months.  No results.  Just miserable times being so sore and uncomfortable and just burnt out because I was so discouraged.

By the end of the second month a patient of mine was telling me about a man she went to school with who opened his own gym.  He was passionate and intelligent.  This was his life calling and he embraced and loved being a personal trainer and fitness/health in general.  He made it a challenge, but made it enjoyable.  She told me that he gave her a workout plan to do when she wasn't at her training session.  He took all of her beginning measurements.  He gave her a daily food plan!  Seriously!?  A food plan!?

By the end of her appointment she gave me his number and I called right away.  He was personable and not pushy at all.  You know how sometimes the trainers push you into it like a sales pitch and they are guaranteed commission when you sign on the line?  He wasn't like that at all.

He explained to me that my first visit is a free consult.  He works with you to see where your limits are and how far you can currently go so that you can aim for a future goal.  I was PETRIFIED!  But I set up my free consult figuring the worst that could happen was that NOTHING would happen.

During my appointment, I did so many different things.  He really tested me and pushed the limits.  When we were done we got my current weight and measurements from head to toe.  He asked me what my goals were and what I wanted to accomplish and he told me what the plan was!  He was so genuine and you could just feel the passion oozing out of his pores.  He loved what he did and it showed!!  It made me feel so at ease and I signed up then and there.

At my next session he had a typed up sheet of a workout routine (very detailed) to do every other day.  He also gave me an eating routine!  Super easy foods (other than the fish that my husband is allergic to).  When I felt like my weight loss was at a stand still he recommended a protein supplement which has been amazing.  He is available when I have a question and doesn't make me feel stupid with questions I have.

It's like a light bulb went off in my head and I knew this was the right thing for me to do!  I can tell you that within a month of training with Tommy I have tightened and toned so much!  Such a huge improvement!  He always jokes and says "How was that compared to 'Bob'?".  I am working on the food thing and need to get back into my PT "Homework". 

Why did I choose a personal trainer?  Accountability.  Knowing I would disappoint someone because I am not willing to try harder and fight for the body and lifestyle I deserve!  I am lazy!  History proves that.  I don't care what DVD or YouTube video is out there....I don't do it.  I have a ton of them already collecting dust on a shelf.  I need the help!  I need the guidance!

So, people say they don't need a trainer and they won't get anything out of it.  You are wrong!  If you DO have the ability to do it all on your own, congratulations.  But having that strong base and knowledge...it's priceless.

So, again I say.... why did I choose a personal trainer?  It was what was best for me and I wouldn't change it for the world.  My fitness relationship with my trainer is great and he is supportive but still a firm trainer and it is what I need in MY life.  I have progressed so much in such a small amount of time and yes I have done this, but not without my trainers help and guidance.  I can do assisted chin ups!  HELLO!?!?  I think that's amazing and I can't wait to do my first full chin up by myself....it is a goal of mine!

So thank you to my trainer Tommy at YDM Fitness!  You truly inspire and it is so evident the passion and drive you have for your career.  It isn't just a job to you and I am sure I am not the only client who appreciates your work and dedication.  My husband thanks you too ;) I am looking quite fit these days HaHaHa

I hope this helps others who have been considering working with a trainer.  Please look into them and make sure they are qualified and experienced and care about their clients and to them you are not just another number to add to their list.  Don't be just a dollar sign to them....make sure you are important!

~ <3 ~
Me

Feeling Strong

So my trainer always says "You're getting stronger" or "You're improving a lot".  I will tell you something.  I am an impatient person.  This dropping weight and toning up thing does not mesh well with my impatient personality!  HOWEVER, I am still sticking with it, and my PT (Personal Training) days are my favorite days of the week.  I have an intense 30 minute session with Tommy and then I do 6 miles on the elliptical machine....I'd love to run outside but I know as soon as I get home I will get occupied doing other things and let it slide.

I have been doing a lot of upper body stuff at my training sessions and I have to say I have impressed myself!  I am doing squatting chin ups/pull ups.  I can't wait for the day when I can do a regular one all on my own.  That is my goal because I have NEVER been able to do that!  Even when I was younger.  When I turn my arms certain ways I can see the muscle I have.....now I just have to drop the fat!  That is what I need to keep up with.

I am guilty of not doing my every other day PT homework he has given me and I know he knows I am not doing it because my results aren't as obvious.  Why I won't do it baffles me, but I have to start somewhere and that somewhere is tomorrow!!!

I have been doing pretty good with my eating lately though!  I have been doing my protein smoothies for breakfast and having spinach and chicken salads for my lunches!  My husband has been keeping up with it also, so we go through lettuce, spinach and chicken like its chocolate.  It is getting pricey but this healthy eating is just totally worth it!  You feel better and you look healthier and happier.

Slow and steady with the fitness.  I don't want to rush and then let go everything I have worked so hard for.  I also don't want to drop the weight and then get a ton of flappy hanging skin.  That started to happen last fall because I dropped my 20lbs so fast.  Now that I am strength training.....well just training in general....I have really started to tone and tighten up.  My trainer is a blessing and I am forever in debt to my patient that referred me.  It was the right time and meant to be.  Stupid "Other Gym".  I wasted way too much time there when I could have been having results ASAP.  Had I known, I would have loved to do it when I started running last year.  I bet my results would have been HUGE!  Not that they weren't on their own, but I bet it would have been incredible!

I am going to try and start posting a song of the day on my blog.  Some songs I just really push harder while I am working out or running.  I hope it helps you build your music collection everyone!

Ok my friends.....I have a lot to do today.  Stay active and go for a walk.  Enjoy the outdoors playing with your kids or your pets.....live and love life!

~ <3 ~
Me

*Song of the day: "Sail" - AWOLNATION*

A time you hate being a woman.....

I'll tell you what....when that "time of the month" is approaching I am just a big ball of bloaty blah-ness.  I have no motivation to exercise and all I want to do it eat!  And not just normal eating....junk food eating.  Chips, ice cream, chocolate.  You name it....I want to ingest it!

I have been feeling so out of sorts all week and this morning I didn't even look forward to my PT (personal training) session.  Those are the highlight of my week so that I can get back into the groove if I was slowing down.  So this morning I look at my handy little calendar and there it was.  BAM it starts next week.  I knew it.  Otherwise why the hell would I feel this way!?

Our kids have been FINALLY feeling better after being sick for almost 2 weeks.  I started giving them a Claritin every morning because our son keeps saying his head hurt and we have decided he has awful allergies and sinus issues.  It has helped him so much!  I hate taking medicine and I hate giving it to my kids, but in this instance it was worth it.

SO, now that they are starting to get better I can refocus and get back into the swing of being healthy.  I signed up for one 5k every month through september and I am so excited.  I am thrilled too because my husband has decided to train and run with me!  To be able to share this part of my life with him really makes me super happy.  We are together all the time but something like this really gives you a different connection.  To run with him will be so fun.  My heart is so full!

Our daughter graduated Pre-School since my last post and she is so excited to start kindergarten.  I am not as excited that this time has gone by so quickly, but here we are :)  Our son starts pre-school this fall as well.  Both of them starting school....where has the time gone!

This post is kind of all over the place, but I enjoy emptying my brain even if it isn't all fitness related.

Ok, I need to shove off here.  Thanks for stopping by!  My next race is June 29th in the Danny Parmertor Memorial Run to raise money for scholarships in our cousin Danny's name.  I can't wait for it in just a few short weeks!

Enjoy your day and stay active!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Weekend Eating

So Monday through Friday my eating is pretty reigned in.  Saturday comes and it goes crazy.  I think it's because of routine.  When I am at work, I have a routine.  What my breakfast is, what my snacks are, what my lunch is and the times during the day that I eat them.

With the weekends I wake up later and am tempted because I have more time and I want to have a bigger breakfast.  I forget my snacks and then I have a huge lunch.  I am sitting here at 1:30 pm already fearing what I will have for dinner because we don't have it figured out.  I just know that I need to have my snack around 3:00 pm so my body doesn't totally freak out on me.

Do any of you have recommendations on maintaining over the weekends with your healthy eating?  I mean I don't keep myself from enjoying food, but because I am still so tempted, it is hard to have self control.  I have been keeping pretty strong today knowing that I probably would have a higher calorie dinner.  Blah! 

I am excited though because I got a protein powder supplement.  Someone had recommended it to me and I mentioned it to my trainer and he agreed that it would be a good idea.  The day I decided that I saw an advertisement on Facebook (usually they are stupid) for an Organic, GMO-Free supplement.  I am so excited to start using it because my protein intake is non existent other than some chicken in my salad.  I am hoping this gives my body the boost it needs to help with building muscle and burning the fat.  It is called Natural Grade Nutrition - Whey Protein Isolate  I will keep you posted!

Just wanted to vent because I was already freaking out and needed to share it with someone ;)

~ <3 ~
Me

Welcome Year TWO!

Well, I have begun my second year of my lifestyle change.  Not only am I impressed that I even made it this far (by a thread) but how motivated I still am to continue doing better!

I celebrated my one year healthy lifestyle anniversary Monday by going for a run.  It felt amazing and I really maintained a great pace throughout a 3 mile run.  I kept around 11:30-ish most of the time which I was impressed with because I haven't been able to do that since last year after finishing my 5k training.

My husband started a healthy eating regimen for work because they are having a competition on who can lose the most in a few months I guess.  Him doing that has made SUCH a huge difference.  We don't have as much junk in the house and we are eating a ton of healthier stuff.

I made the venture into the world of GMO free and Organic food last weekend.  I am trying to really pay attention to what we are buying and what we are putting in our bodies.  I figure I had one year of working out.....now it is time to focus on food.  This is my first week and it has been going QUITE well!  We have been eating a ton of grilled chicken, organic products and I have been aiming at getting GMO free as well.  It is so overwhelming but I am trying to get it slowly but surely.

I have had friends in my past that would really get going about organic stuff but at that time I wasn't ready.  Hell, my life was full of chaos, depression, really bad crap and I wasn't even thinking of my own health at that point.  Well, now it is time, and I have one heck of a support system around me to guide me and help me.

This handy little label has really helped me in my search....and yes if I see it I will buy your product over one without it.  There is just so much I can do and change and yet so much TO change that I feel overwhelmed and sometimes don't know where to begin....but so far so good!  Baby steps!

I had my PT training yesterday and for the first time I can say I feel like death LOL  He did an AMAZING job working my upper body!  Afterwards I went and did 6 miles on the elliptical machine.  I am pooped!  However I still went and ran almost 2.5 miles today with our doggy.  I had to walk the last .5 because she was starting to limp :(  Poor gal!

Ok I need to get some sleep and rest up for a busy work day and another PT Session!!!

Thank you all for your support from my one year blog posts!  I chuckle because my typed out post where i poured my heart out had like 38 views and my photo blog was like 115 or something BAHAHA.  I mean I am honored you all want to see my scary pictures but don't forget the emotional changes that can happen during this journey.  You're right though....even I can't stop staring at them LOL!

Thanks again for all of your support and bring it on YEAR 2!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Starting Over....

I am starting fresh tomorrow!  I plan on running during my lunch.  All i wanna do is 2 miles.  If I can do 3 that'd be awesome.  I may go tonight.  I may just do a Sunday night!  That way I won't feel like I am driving to and from work so many times a day to go to the gym.

That has been the hardest thing for me.  It was so easy to just change up after the kids were in bed and go out running.  I REALLY need a treadmill.  I could run every night and it would be amazing.  I just want a nice used one.  That's all I ask!  Even if someone has one they don't use.  Maybe I could BORROW it until I can save up for my own :)  I really enjoy the treadmill and then I would be in my own home running whenever I want.  After bed time or even during naptime for my kids! 

Well, tomorrow is a new day and I am starting over.  I haven't been eating well and I haven't been working out.  I am so angry with myself.  I have to get back to it!

~ <3 ~
Me

Getting Out of A Funk....

A little NSV (Non Scale Victory) from this past weekend!  As the days are becoming colder, I am digging out the warmer clothing.  This shirt I have on used to be so tight I couldn't even stand to have it on.  This year it is becoming "tent-like".  When I say that I mean that they fit to my boobs and literally TENT OUT.  So many of my shirts actually make me look heavier than I really am!

Again, I am not complaining, but I am still wondering what I am going to wear this winter!  My new jeans that are 2 sizes smaller than I used to be are starting to sag off my flattened butt!  Yes, I said flattened.  I don't want a Kardashian butt by any means, but some shape would be nice! :) 

My goal is to start weights.....it scares me because I don't want to lose the momentum I have had going.  Actually I am petrified.  You know me and new things ;)  BUT, I have to do it!  I am almost to that half way point of weight loss and I feel like it's slowing down.  It's partially my fault because I really have been a lazy ass for the past week.  Like REALLY lazy!  It's like the old Me has abducted....well, the new Me!  I want ME back!!!

My eating has been awful, my step counts have been awful.  No exercise.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?  I understand I will stumble and go backwards in my progress at times, but this is ridiculous!  I feel sluggish and tired.  I am running tomorrow morning and I am dreading it.  I know once I get moving and once I am done I will feel amazing!!!  It is just squashing that inner old me and telling her to butt the hell out of my life and never come back!

Grrrrr she makes me angry.  SO angry!  Why can't that part of me just die already!?  Leave me alone and let me live my new life.  I really need to figure out why I give in so easily.  Sorry.  This post is turning into this raging depressing read.  I apologize.  I just needed to vent.

I will post again tomorrow after my run and let you all know how it goes!

~ <3 ~
Me

Support Systems

It is motivational Tuesday for me!  I am trying to find some push to get my ass moving.

Today's topic I really wanted to post something about support systems.  I have said before that you won't make life changes until you are ready.  Until every aspect of your life is ready.  That includes a  strong and steady support system.

If you don't have a strong support system, the people around you can sabotage all efforts to improve your life.  All is takes is one negative nelly to ruin your efforts.  Especially in the beginning!  For me, I am still weak.  I have only been at this for 5 months and I am STILL weak!  It takes a brief second for me to cram a cookie in my mouth.  To have that extra scoop of pasta.  To eat that extra slice of bread.

I still have people say "Oh just have one", "If you have a little it won't matter".  What they don't realize is that ONE or that LITTLE bit can ruin me!  In a brief moment of weakness I can cave and THAT snowballs for the rest of my day!  I know not all people realize this, but when I say no.....I mean NO!  Stop offering me snacks KNOWING I can't have them.  Stop egging me on to eat that one tiny bite when you know I can't do it.

If your support system that surrounds you just can't accept the fact that you are changing your lifestyle and trying to improve your life.  You need to sit them down and put it all out there.  Tell them that you need their support and encouragement.  That when you don't eat a certain thing, or don't have that piece of cake; there is a reason!  If they choose to laugh or make light of your decisions....screw them!  They are selfish and you don't need to put up with their crap.  You also don't have the time!!

You need to surround yourself with people who when you decide to MAKE that change, will support you 100%!  When you go to grab that cookie or eat a piece of cake they will have no hesitation speaking up because you asked them to.  They will tell you "It's ok.  You can do it tomorrow".  They will congratulate you when you've done well and they will lift you up when you are feeling down.

I have many support systems.  My husband and kids, my parents (hearing them say how proud they are of me makes me want this even more), family, friends (all of my readers and friends who post supportive comments here and on Facebook).  I also have my online support system.  My My Fitness Pal friends are amazing!  When I have a bad day they help me see why and what NOT to do tomorrow.  My fellow co-workers for the most part are very understanding.  Every once and awhile people offer me food when I am not asking for it.  They will learn :) 

My one co-worker and I (I feel) have grown closer through our lifestyle changes together.  We compare our steps everyday.  We look at each others online food journals.  She really has been a motivator (she has lost a TON of weight) and such a support system for me!  Thanks Eva!  You have been wonderful!  Thank goodness I love my job so that I never leave.  We shall be healthy forever :)

So, thank you to MY support system.  You keep me going when I don't feel like I can, and you are always there through the "thick and thin" of my journey.  Love to you all and thank you!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Feeling Like A Blowfish

This is how I am feeling today!  After a crazy busy weekend of fun and food, THIS is how I am left to feel.  We had a yummy spaghetti dinner last night with garlic bread.  The indigestion I had from it kept me up all night.  I woke up this morning feeling so sick!  I had to go in later to work today and knew I had time to go running and was DREADING it! 

However, I packed my stuff, took the kids to their sitter and headed to the gym super early in the morning.  I got to see the sun rise while I was running...kind of neat :)  So I start running and think to myself "2 miles is all I am going to be able to do....I feel like my stomach is going to explode upward or downward and I don't want to be in public when that happens."  You know what I did?  I took my "sweat towel" and draped it over the read out screen on the treadmill and just kept looking out the window.  I wipe my face and notice I have already gone a mile!  "What's one more"  I am there already right?  May as well make it worth it!  I look down again and see 2.5 miles.  "Well I guess I will go to 3.1...I am almost there."  I hit 3.0....feeling a little sick to my stomach I scream at myself "It's only one more mile you pansy!"  So I kept going.  I walked for maybe 1 minute and then when I hit 3.95 I slowed down to walk out the end of my run.

I felt great.  I still feel a little nauseous and have some stomach cramping, but it is AMAZING how something like food can wreck you like that!  One thing I have learned is that my body is used to how I have been eating.  Lots of protein, fruits, healthy snacks.  SO, when I do cheat or have a little too much of something I pay for it!  I don't like it!  When it's there I have no self control.  This weekend made me realize that. 

My biggest fear right now is the holidays coming up!  I need to start plotting my meals now!  We eat with two families usually each day.  I need to make sure I enter my food ahead of time on My Fitness Pal so that I don't stray.  When I plan it out, it makes it so much easier to stick with it!

I have my second 5k this coming Sunday.  My Mom is running it with me which I am so excited about!  She hasn't been feeling well and has been fighting this nasty cough, so she is hoping she will be able to run it with me!  I am nervous yet again.  I am more than sure there are some BIG hills I will be running on, but I am excited also!  I may get to meet one of my MFP (My Fitness Pal) friends there as she will be running as well!  After that 5k I will be done with them until the spring while I continue my running all winter long!

Well, thanks for reading!  I really have been slacking on writing, but things have been busy here!  Never a dull moment in the life of a Mommy right!?  Everyone have an AMAZING Monday!  Make your goals for the week and stick with them!  Anything is possible!

~ <3 ~
Me

Time to Check In

Oh yes my friends!  I am back!  I had a bit of a slump and today was my turning point!  I really beat through some anxiety today and I'm glad I did.  I packed my work out clothes and took them to work.  I figured if it was nice enough I would run outside in the neighborhoods around work.  If it was nasty out, I would get my ass to the gym.  Well the temperature was and is amazing, but it looked like a storm coming in.  I changed, got in my car and drove to the gym.

The parking lot was so busy.....fear #1: a lot of people staring and watching me look like an idiot.  I walked in and NO ONE!  It must have been all the men in the back on the weights.  I found myself a treadmill in front of a T.V that had ESPN on it....something neutral and entertaining to keep my interest, but I didn't have to think much :)  Fear #2: Oh crap what if I fall off this thing!?  (By the way....that didn't happen)

So I recently downloaded The 20/20 Experience 2 of 2.  I have been wanting to really listen to it and now was my chance.  I start blasting my JT and just RAN!  It took a lot not to look at the screen to see how far I've gone and how much time had gone by, but I did it!!

 So, off I went.  Running my butt off (or so I am hoping) :)  People come and go in the gym.  Cars drive by.  I watch the main road as the cars and trucks drive passed.  A Budweiser truck was stocking a bar....I would be lying if THAT didn't sound amazing while I was running :)  A group of buff dudes came in barely able to put their arms at their sides HaHaHa.  I kept it up!  Even when the twiggy girl started running right next to me....REALLY WOMAN!?  Of all the treadmills they have here you HAVE to pick the one next to me???  Ugghhhh!!!  Anywho,  I saw I was half way there at 2 miles and thought to myself "this was easy!  You can do more than this!"  So I put it in my mind that 4.0 miles was where I would stop today.  I got to about 3.8 and started to slow down.  At 3.9 I started a brisk cool down walk.  At 4.0 I stopped.  I couldn't believe it!  I was REVVED!  I got off the treadmill and went to collect my keys and out the door I went.

For my next gym visit, I do need to remember a towel next time.  My running tanks only help so much when I wipe my face off.....WHEW! I really do feel amazing!  When I am running I can get so much shit cleared out of my head!  I run through it all and when I am done my head feels better and I am so much less stressed.  I came home and stepped on the scale before I cleaned up and BAM!  Another pound lost!  My weight loss ticker is to the right down there ----->>>>>

I couldn't believe it!  I have been eating 1600 calories fairly regularly.  Not the best choices some days, but the one consistent thing is my protein intake.  I have been eating these AMAZING chiken pita sandwhiches with a sundried tomato hummus.  WOOOOOW.  They are incredible!  I love it!  I also have been eating a lot of low cal greek yogurt too.  I still am weak and don't know how to eat "properly" but I am trying.  I am hoping after a year I will have this food thing down and it won't be so hard to maintain and stick with.  I am sure it will always be an inner battle, but I hope it gets easier!

As a side note, this new JT album is kick ass.  Favorite tune hands down is "Drink You Away"  Amazing and a great beat to jog to!

Thanks for reading (those of you who do) and I am trying to keep up with this and track my progress!  Thanks to you all!  Enjoy the rest of the week my friends!

~ <3 ~
Me

Holy Weight Loss Batman!

I have done fairly well this week!  Just earlier in the week I documented a 2lb loss.  And yesterday I lost another pound!  I was ecstatic!  I felt like I really was moving and couldn't figure out why!  I looked back at my food logging and realized 2 things.

First, I wasn't eating very much sugar....which has really given me a bit of energy!  Second, I have been eating 1600 calories instead of the 1400 that I have my goal set to.  Now, I don't know if this is  the reason or a fluke or what the deal is, but I am kind of testing the waters.  At 1400 calories, I have never felt like I was starving or hungry.  But when I hit the 1600 calories I didn't have the urges to snack!  I will keep you posted on my new study.

Yesterday I started some shopping for two outfits for the weekend.  I got a cute sweater from a store called Maurices.  I also was able to buy a size 14 jean in my favorite Style & Co brand from Macy's!  I love their jeans because it helps with my "Mommy tummy".  So while I was there, I tried on some dresses!

First I couldn't believe that I was even fitting into a 12!  A SIZE 12!!!!  It was incredible!  This dress here was just a dress I HAD to try on.  It looked gorgeous on the rack and back in May I wouldn't have even considered trying this gorgeous thing on.

For the first time ever I thought "Daaaaaaaaaamn girl you looking good!"  Now I am sure there are people out there who wouldn't agree or who feel maybe I am not "small enough" to fit into a dress like this.  You know what?  Screw you!  I felt amazing :)

My plan is to get this dress for a wedding next year.  It will be my coming out dress and I will look and feel incredible!

My next gial is to REALLY get some weights in my regimen.  I am noticing my arms and legs and tummy just aren't catching up with the rest of my loss and I am noticing.  They are the last parts changing and it is frustrating, but I know it takes time.  I just don't want floppy arms after I lose my weight!

It's just a matter of getting it done.  I just don't know how to get started or what to do!  BLAH!  I just gotta do it!  Ok my friends!  I have a super busy weekend ahead with a lot of food coming my way, but I WILL keep up with it!

As a side note, my Wheat wrap, chicken, sundried tomato hummus sandwiches have been AMAZING!  All of the extra protein is helping to keep me feeling full so I don't devour everything in the cupboard!  Stay safe to all the other food addicts out there.....I know it's tough!!

~ <3 ~
Me

YAAAAAAAWN

This is how I feel today!  I feel like my 5k was this MASSIVE adrenaline rush and now that it is over I am drained.  Not to mention that, I am assuming, from the larger inclines of the run, my calves are pretty sore!  Like painful sore!  I walked Monday thinking that would help, but it did not.

I was supposed to go running, but I didn't tonight.  My plan is to go tomorrow and then again over the weekend.  I really do want to try the gym I signed up at.  Maybe do some elliptical and run on a treadmill for the first time ever!  As well as trying not to fall on my face.  I feel like a bump on a log today.  Somewhat busy at work and I tried to stay on my feet to keep my steps going...I am just exhausted.

Tomorrow tends to be my super busy day.  I clean, do laundry, and run if I have time.  I can't wait to run tomorrow!  Lots of sun and good weather ahead!  I am motivated!! 

As I have said before, I do have a slight picky-ness with food.  Well In my Runner's World magazine I came across an AMAZING recipe for lunch!  You take chicken, use a sundried tomato paste, avacado, and put it in a pita.  So I bought wheat pitas...cooked up some chicken breast and got sundried tomato hummus.  I had it today and it was AWESOME!  I bought an avacado today to try with it as well as some lettuce.  I am so excited to try it!!  So filling and so healthy!

I am trying to get more dinner ideas though.  I am lacking in those.  I like simple and easy!  LOVE crock pot ideas too!  So, please give me some ideas my friends!  Like a recipe exchange!  Can't wait to see what you all can come up with!

~ <3 ~
Me