I'm Back....Right?

WOW!  Almost 2 months since my last blog post!

Well, a lot has changed since then.  First, I have been eating horribly and NOT working out other than my weekly training sessions.  Second, I decided NOT to do the body competition next year.  For me, it is not a good fit with my lifestyle at the moment.

I realized I was spending HOURS at the gym rather than with my family, and it was not what I wanted.  I DO want to get healthy and I DO want to get back in shape.  So, my trainer and I discussed it and he worked up a new plan for me.

Going back to basics!  Starting over!  Back to the beginning to get back on a good track.  To be honest with you, my eating has taken the WORST toll.  Back to my old ways, and it is even worse now because there is no yummy summer fruits that are local and fresh!  I can feel it.  I feel lazy and tired all the time.  I don't feel healthy! 

I really let myself slide this summer by NOT keeping up with my three times a week of running.  I got lazy with it.  I almost had that "I know i can do it so i don't have to prove it to myself" attitude.  I let it pass by and I am angry with myself.  I need to get back to it....I WILL DO IT!

I HAVE to do it!  One of these years I WILL wear a two piece bathingsuit...one of these days I WILL finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  I hope :)

I have to for all of the same reasons that I did it a year and a half ago!  The reasons haven't changed.  My desire for it hasn't changed.  Mentally I need to get back with it and FAST!

Sorry for being gone for so long and thanks for reading this if you stuck with me :)

~ <3 ~
Me

Where oh where has the new me gone?

Oh where oh where could she be!?!?!?!?

Because she has run away and left me here all alone and lost and confused!  COME BAAAAAAAACK!!  Something snapped in me last week and the old lazy fat me made a surprise visit and now she has overstayed her lazy ass welcome.  GO HOME!  Why can't I shake this funk?? 

Part of it could be the winter weather than came and slapped us all in the face.  It got cold...freaking cold!  All I want to do is lay under a blanket and hibernate.  The thing is.....I am not the only one!  Many of my internet supporters and friends are having the same issue!  Last week I ate SO awful....it disgusts me!  I only ran one day :(

Help!  I just need help!  I have been doing so well for the past almost 6 months....I can't fail now!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

My New Addiction

Hello....My name is Beth and I'm addicted to fitness :)

Now 203lb Beth would laugh at this. "There is no way I would ever do that."  "There is no way I'd stick with it."  "I'd fail."  IN YOUR FACE UNHEALTHY ME!!

I am doing it and I love it!  I'm not trying to beat a certain time or be competitive with it. I really am enjoying running!!  The eating is still, and I have a feeling will always be, a hard thing to battle. I found myself sitting on the couch wishing we had a treadmill so I could bust a run and watch tv. It's like I NEEDED the high! 

I went to the gym and ran. We'll tried to run all that salt and bloat out of my body from over the weekend.  Uggghhh slowly but surely. I am realizing that the first mile is hard. But the second mile is the toughest one!  Then to get to 4 miles is like nothing!  I am sure I could do more than that but with my next 5k on Sunday I didn't want to push myself. I feel amazing!!!  It's this natural high that just makes everything around you better :)

I really do need to start working with weights. I've tried 30DS and just couldn't stick with it. I need to get some heavier weights so I can do it too. Baby steps I say but yet I never get started!  My floppy arms are becoming more noticeable and it's freaking me out!  I have all winter to work on it I guess. BUT I have to start now!!

Well I have a busy day ahead so I had better get busy!  Have a super Wednesday everyone!!!

~ <3 ~

Me

My Addiction To Food

I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about eating a doughnut until I saw this picture......YUUUUM!

So I have said it before and I will say it again.  I think food is the DEBIL and yet I can't live without it.  It isn't even that I love ALL food....just the ones that aren't good for me.  If it is near me, I will eat it.  I will take a bite which leads me to come back later for another bite, then another.  I end up eating half of what is there, but make sure I time my snacking so no one sees me and no one would know it was ME who ate it all.

Since I have started my journey in May, I have REALLY been keeping track of my eating on My Fitness Pal .  I keep my diary open so EVERYONE can see it.  For some reason it helps with my guilt factor.  Meaning if I eat awful, everyone will see it and judge me and persecute me to no end about my awful horrible choices.  They aren't mean at all and everyone is so supportive, so that has helped me a ton.

Growing up, my Mom always made amazing dinners.  Casseroles, home made spaghetti, chicken, pork chops.  We were never allowed sugary cereals.  It was Cheerios, Rice Krispies, Kix, or Rice Chex.  She is an A-MA-ZING cook.  As far back as I can remember I was always a picky eater.  My Mom and Dad would make me sit at the table until I at least ate ONE BITE!  Just one!  I was so dramatic. 

I hate the taste of chicken, pork, steaks.....I HATE it!  I won't eat chicken unless it is in a wrap or a bun (cut in super tiny pieces).  I refuse to eat steak or pork chops.  I WILL eat pulled pork.  The only veggie I will eat is carrots and they need to be dipped in some type of dressing.  I do love fruits though.  A LOT!  I love my carbs.  Pasta, pizza, bread.  I love breakfast foods and cereals :)

I wish I would have learned to love foods more so that I could cook for my family better.  So that I, MYSELF, would eat what is made.  It's like I'm sabotaging my children before they even have a choice of what they do or do not like to eat.  They do love all of their veggies though.  That has made me happy, and YES I buy them a ton of it :)

Any advice for helping me with this huge issue???  I don't know if it's the textures or the actual tastes...I've tried eating them prepared multiple ways.  Nothing helps and I just can't do it!  Help!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Parades Are My New Nemesis

So not once have I really thought of this, however today made me realize something.  Just because candy is "fun size" doesn't mean it's fun for your calorie intake!  We took our kids to a parade this morning and there they stood.  Eyes opened wide and gleaming, chasing the scattered candy all over the sidewalks.  So as I notice some of my favorites I grab them up and cram them down my throat.  They tasted sooooo good.  I am pretty sure I now understand how an addict feels when they get a taste of the good stuff.

My enjoyment quickly died down when I realized that I could not hide this from my friends on My Fitness Pal and I very slowly entered EVERY....SINGLE.....piece of crap I swallowed.  My smile quickly faded, and i almost instantly felt my belly gain 4 pant sizes realizing that I had eaten......wait for it....433 calories!  That is a freaking meal!  Not to mention it wasn't filling and it almost made me eat everything in the house once we got home.

So, be careful my friends.  Those parade candies and Halloween candies will get ya.  Knowing my inner battle with food, I cannot eat just one.  I need to devour an entire bag then sniff out more like a blood thirsty horror monster looking for my next victim.  Yes, I went there :)

Enjoy the rest of your weekend my friends!  Keep moving, walking, biking, running.  Whatever you need to do to keep that movement going!  And enjoy the weather if you have good weather this weekend! 

~ <3 ~
Me

Out of Control Today

This is how I feel today.  I am not even submitting my eating on My Fitness Pal because it was a JOKE!  I came home after grocery shopping.  Opened up my new Fitbit and sat down to enjoy the learning.  I became so overwhelmed i started searching the cupboards.  "Oooo!  Cheeze Its!  Oooo!  Ice cream!!"  It makes me so mad because I do so good and then that's all it takes.  Then after that I feel so guilty and ashamed and I really beat myself up.

I should just learn from today and move on.  I will, and I do.  WHY do I do this to myself?  FOOD IS THE DEBIL!  I've said it many times and it is true.  I am an emotional eater.  Maybe I should go talk to someone about it?  It's my fall back.  Food is always there.

I drink water, I try to eat fiber and proteins to keep full.  No matter how full I am I will still eat.  I am so bummed about my icky day.  I will make up for it tomorrow!  I plan on running first thing in the morning to help me and maybe a bike ride after work.

I've got to keep at it.  It is a daily struggle with ups and downs.  I just have to stay strong and keep pushing!

~ <3 ~
Me

Reflection

First off, I am totally peeved because I really had a good post typed up. I hit publish and my blogger app took a dump and I don't have ANYTHING now. So I hope I can recreate it a little. 

So I've said it once and I'll say it again. Food is my toughest struggle. I have no problem stopping myself from eating too many carrots or too much watermelon. But my body is not equipped with a governor that will shut my body off when I can't have anymore junk food. 

My weaknesses?  Ice cream, candies, chips. Really anything they say is junk ill eat it. It's like a drug addict. Once I get my fix I stop twitching and foaming at the mouth like a dog sitting near the dinner table. Yeah!  Try to get THAT visual out of your head :)

As a side not I did get out today and do a 1.8mi bike ride with our daughter. While on our journey she says "now that I ride my bike like a big girl I can come with you when you run right?"  I look down at my GPS watch and see we are doing a 19min mile and I nicely tell her "no honey. I don't think so."  Half way through our trip I looked down and saw we were at 11:18min/mile and then figured maybe she COULD. If she can keep that up for 3.1mi would be the question. We shall see :). Maybe a test run is in order. 

OK!  Way off topic there. Back on track!  So do any of you have that one struggle that peaks it's ugly head around the corner sometimes?  Mine is food!  It's always there in the back of my mind like that one person in your life you know you're better without but you still want to get ahold if them just to say hi.

Curse you food!  It will take time, but i WILL win!  Food is the debil!