I'm Back....Right?

WOW!  Almost 2 months since my last blog post!

Well, a lot has changed since then.  First, I have been eating horribly and NOT working out other than my weekly training sessions.  Second, I decided NOT to do the body competition next year.  For me, it is not a good fit with my lifestyle at the moment.

I realized I was spending HOURS at the gym rather than with my family, and it was not what I wanted.  I DO want to get healthy and I DO want to get back in shape.  So, my trainer and I discussed it and he worked up a new plan for me.

Going back to basics!  Starting over!  Back to the beginning to get back on a good track.  To be honest with you, my eating has taken the WORST toll.  Back to my old ways, and it is even worse now because there is no yummy summer fruits that are local and fresh!  I can feel it.  I feel lazy and tired all the time.  I don't feel healthy! 

I really let myself slide this summer by NOT keeping up with my three times a week of running.  I got lazy with it.  I almost had that "I know i can do it so i don't have to prove it to myself" attitude.  I let it pass by and I am angry with myself.  I need to get back to it....I WILL DO IT!

I HAVE to do it!  One of these years I WILL wear a two piece bathingsuit...one of these days I WILL finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  I hope :)

I have to for all of the same reasons that I did it a year and a half ago!  The reasons haven't changed.  My desire for it hasn't changed.  Mentally I need to get back with it and FAST!

Sorry for being gone for so long and thanks for reading this if you stuck with me :)

~ <3 ~
Me

Feeling Strong

So my trainer always says "You're getting stronger" or "You're improving a lot".  I will tell you something.  I am an impatient person.  This dropping weight and toning up thing does not mesh well with my impatient personality!  HOWEVER, I am still sticking with it, and my PT (Personal Training) days are my favorite days of the week.  I have an intense 30 minute session with Tommy and then I do 6 miles on the elliptical machine....I'd love to run outside but I know as soon as I get home I will get occupied doing other things and let it slide.

I have been doing a lot of upper body stuff at my training sessions and I have to say I have impressed myself!  I am doing squatting chin ups/pull ups.  I can't wait for the day when I can do a regular one all on my own.  That is my goal because I have NEVER been able to do that!  Even when I was younger.  When I turn my arms certain ways I can see the muscle I have.....now I just have to drop the fat!  That is what I need to keep up with.

I am guilty of not doing my every other day PT homework he has given me and I know he knows I am not doing it because my results aren't as obvious.  Why I won't do it baffles me, but I have to start somewhere and that somewhere is tomorrow!!!

I have been doing pretty good with my eating lately though!  I have been doing my protein smoothies for breakfast and having spinach and chicken salads for my lunches!  My husband has been keeping up with it also, so we go through lettuce, spinach and chicken like its chocolate.  It is getting pricey but this healthy eating is just totally worth it!  You feel better and you look healthier and happier.

Slow and steady with the fitness.  I don't want to rush and then let go everything I have worked so hard for.  I also don't want to drop the weight and then get a ton of flappy hanging skin.  That started to happen last fall because I dropped my 20lbs so fast.  Now that I am strength training.....well just training in general....I have really started to tone and tighten up.  My trainer is a blessing and I am forever in debt to my patient that referred me.  It was the right time and meant to be.  Stupid "Other Gym".  I wasted way too much time there when I could have been having results ASAP.  Had I known, I would have loved to do it when I started running last year.  I bet my results would have been HUGE!  Not that they weren't on their own, but I bet it would have been incredible!

I am going to try and start posting a song of the day on my blog.  Some songs I just really push harder while I am working out or running.  I hope it helps you build your music collection everyone!

Ok my friends.....I have a lot to do today.  Stay active and go for a walk.  Enjoy the outdoors playing with your kids or your pets.....live and love life!

~ <3 ~
Me

*Song of the day: "Sail" - AWOLNATION*

One Year Ago

One year ago a family friend helped change my life forever.  I no longer wanted to be THAT person.  I wanted to live life and enjoy it.  I wanted to get off my lazy ass and be with my family.  I wanted the energy so that when my kids wanted to run around and play I didn't say "Mommy is tired" or "Mommy doesn't feel good".  Seeing the disappointment in their faces and hearing their sighs......that is something I never want to go back to.

In my journey I have had my ups and downs....My weight has still fluctuated and even after the holidays I haven't gotten back into that groove.  I am working on it but just haven't gotten there yet.  The way the old me felt....I don't wish that on anyone....EVER!  No one should ever go through life feeling the way I did.

I felt like I didn't matter.  I felt like I wasn't a priority and that I wasn't important.  I felt worthless.  I felt ugly.  I felt fat.  I was itching in the skin I was wearing and somewhere deep down in me I still had a voice telling me I could do it if I wanted to.  There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't FEAR going back to that old "Me".  I am petrified.  I have seen friends and family struggle....do well and go back.  Maintaining is what I fear.  It is my own fault for not sticking with my healthy eating.  These feelings of self loathing weren't caused by anyone other than my inner feelings about myself...but as my health got better, so did my attitude.

It isn't just about me now though.  I need to get my family healthy.  This yearly journey I have lost 24 lbs and as of today have only lost under 20 total.  I have been changing things up and started seeing an amazing trainer who has really been pushing me and giving me different things to try fitness wise.  I notice I am slimming down so I am praying it's muscle I am building.  STILL my eating needs reigned in a bit.

I have learned so much in a year and have made such amazing life long friends and connections as well as growing closer with those around me.

To my Mom and Dad....thank you!  Your motivation means the world to me and your support has been incredible.  All of your advice Mom has been so amazing and I am so blessed to have you in my life....FOREVER ;)

To my husband Ryan....you have allowed me to take time for ME and focus on ME.  I love you so much and it grows stronger everyday.  You truly are my rock and support and I wouldn't be able to do this without you backing me up 100% (even if you do ice cream runs sometimes) You have motivated me and even when I was at my lowest you always made me feel beautiful and loved.  You truly are my soul mate and you are stuck with me babe <3

To my children....your existence has motivated me to become a healthier Mommy so that I can be here and stay strong through whatever life throws at me.  I want to be there through your milestones and see your children grow one day.  You are the reason Mommy changed....to be around....to be your Mommy!

To Yurisa...Our friendship has pulled me through some dark times and motivated me through the bright times.  You have helped me gain confidence in other ways to help me in my journey.  Your shoulder to cry on and your ears for listening have saved me more than you know.  I am so blessed that you are a part of my life even though I wish it would have been sooner than it was.  You are an amazing and strong woman and your friendship to me words cannot describe how much it means to me.  BFBFL <3

To Eva....having your friendship and support has been priceless!  You keep me in line and motivate me with your own journey.  No matter what the future holds I do hope that our friendship stays true and strong.  Thank you for everything.

To Sarah....Your recommendation of couch to 5k is what got me going and all of your fitness and food support has been amazing.  Thank you for taking the time to spend guiding me and helping me through this journey.  I feel like I harass you so much but you are so kind and thoughtful and amazing.  You were with me the first time I ran 3.1 miles at home and I will never forget it!

To my trainer Tommy....Not that you will read this...maybe you will.  I know our time together has been short, but your confidence in me and the ability to know how I function has been so helpful...here is to many more weeks of training and changes!

To my barefoot shuffling friend, Karen....I know you are always there for me to get me off my butt and out on the road!  Thanks for keeping me motivated!

To Joyce....You truly helped me realize that this was what I needed to do.  I am so thankful!  Because of what happened, you truly saved my life!  I am forever grateful and blessed that you helped me realize what I was doing to myself and helped me start my journey.

I know I am forgetting people.....to all of my friends to read this or share it or just listen to me vent...thank you!  When I hear someone say "You motivated me" I still can't believe I could do that for someone but I am so blessed that I am able to help others through my journey as others have helped me.

Happy 1 year of a changed lifestyle and here is to at least 40 more ;)

Milestones:
Lost 20lbs
Ran my first 5k 9/15/13 in 35:17
Ran my second 5k 10/13/13 in 35:13

Will be running my first 10k May 18th!!

 BEFORE     203 lbs

NOW   183 lbs

~ <3 ~
Me

The Journey To 10K

Wait....so......what is this running thing again?

So, I have been "working out" maybe two days a week....it has been enough to maintain only a 6lb weight gain.  I also have been eating like I was starving to death and haven't seen or tasted food in years.  Whatever....it's been bad and that is that.

I have kept up with my once a week karate group class that my Dad teaches, and then maybe one day after work of running?  That part only started recently.  So, i decided that last week was THE week!  I have a 10k in May my friends and that scares the CRAP out of me!

So, I got my 5k-10k App ready ( Download Here ).  I really do miss my Zombie trainer though....I had him with their Couch to 5k App.  I would be laughing out loud while I was running.  It broke some stresses when I almost gave up and it kept me moving.  Off topic, however I recommend that app to EVERYONE!

I started on Friday and did day 1.  The way I function though it put me off for a week.  The app/program itself actually trains you three days a week.

 
So ideally when we don't have THIS weather.....I can run in the evenings and keep with that schedule!

ANYWHO!  I can't stop babbling in circles today!  Back on track here.

Ok, so THIS week I did my Week 1 Day 2 on Wednesday morning...which was really a bad idea because I then had a 770 calorie burn at karate group class.  I not only was a bit sore at my class.  I was also sore in the AM!  Feel the burn right!?

So Thursday morning is a strength training day and it has been kicking my butt!  However I do notice my upper body strength improving so I can't complain.  My Thursday mornings are brought to me courtesy of Jay.  He is a personal trainer at my gym.  He is young with a young family.  AGAIN off topic LoL  He has been working on strengthening my hips and thighs because I have been having some knee pressure while running.  It's been really great!

I went today at 7am and did week 1 day 3!  My knee started to get that air bubble feeling again that hit me in November.  UGGGHHHH!  I did realize that my running shoes are almost a year old and have been used 3 times a week.  I can't NOT do this!

I called Second Sole and talked to Doug?  He always answers the phone.  He looked up my records and said "WOW!  Yeah bring the shoes in and I will check the wear, but you may need some new shoes".  Now, these shoes are SUPER expensive, but they made my feet so happy!  So I am going on Sunday during the kids nap time to hang with Doug and my running shoes...maybe we will bury them and find my back up pair.

I just re-read through what I have typed so far....this has nothing to do with my title...such a jumbled mess!  What is wrong with me today!  FULL MOON!!!!

Ok so I started my 5k-10k App and have completed week 1....there are 8 weeks more and then my 10k in May.  BAM there ya go :)  If you have managed to stick through all of that and get to this end BLESS YOU MY FRIENDS!!!  I apologize for rambling on and posting such a confusing mush of typing.  I will keep you posted on my training and let you know how it goes!

~ <3 ~
Me

A light at the end of the tunnel

My mother-in-law got a hoodie for herself....it is a size XL.  Too big for her, but she knows I love hoodies so she gave it to me!  Normally an XL would be snug fitting and just slightly uncomfortable.

BAM Here it is folks!  BIG!  An XL is BIG!

That is really all I wanted to post.  It made me smile and keeps me motivated to maintain until spring time when I can get back out and run!

~ <3 ~
Me

Hello Monday and Good Bye Holiday

I can't wait for Monday.  Back into my routine!  The hardest thing about the holidays not only is controlling and making sure I don't eat every item displayed on the tables, but being able to stick with routine!  It's much easier to keep with it when work is the same and home life is the same.

Last week I took off from fitness due to a knee injury.  I did attend a Karate group class Wednesday which my Dad taught.  He kicked my butt, however I felt amazing!  My upper body was sure as hell sore!  We did 100 push ups and 100 sit ups.  My stomach and along my middle back and my arms were SO sore!!

It felt amazing!  I loved it!  I also realized how weak my upper body is compared to how strong my lower body is.  SO I am going to attend more karate group classes and start doing kick boxing.  All along side my running or elliptical use!  One of my patients said its most important to strengthen the core and back areas.  It helps with posture and any back pain associate with running.

I am excited to try it.  After this crazy holiday I feel like I am stuck in another rut that I need to get out of.  At least I have a game plan!  I do have to say that I tracked my food since last week and have been keeping up fairly well!  Thank goodness!!

~ <3 ~
Me