I'm Back....Right?

WOW!  Almost 2 months since my last blog post!

Well, a lot has changed since then.  First, I have been eating horribly and NOT working out other than my weekly training sessions.  Second, I decided NOT to do the body competition next year.  For me, it is not a good fit with my lifestyle at the moment.

I realized I was spending HOURS at the gym rather than with my family, and it was not what I wanted.  I DO want to get healthy and I DO want to get back in shape.  So, my trainer and I discussed it and he worked up a new plan for me.

Going back to basics!  Starting over!  Back to the beginning to get back on a good track.  To be honest with you, my eating has taken the WORST toll.  Back to my old ways, and it is even worse now because there is no yummy summer fruits that are local and fresh!  I can feel it.  I feel lazy and tired all the time.  I don't feel healthy! 

I really let myself slide this summer by NOT keeping up with my three times a week of running.  I got lazy with it.  I almost had that "I know i can do it so i don't have to prove it to myself" attitude.  I let it pass by and I am angry with myself.  I need to get back to it....I WILL DO IT!

I HAVE to do it!  One of these years I WILL wear a two piece bathingsuit...one of these days I WILL finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  I hope :)

I have to for all of the same reasons that I did it a year and a half ago!  The reasons haven't changed.  My desire for it hasn't changed.  Mentally I need to get back with it and FAST!

Sorry for being gone for so long and thanks for reading this if you stuck with me :)

~ <3 ~
Me

Where oh where has the new me gone?

Oh where oh where could she be!?!?!?!?

Because she has run away and left me here all alone and lost and confused!  COME BAAAAAAAACK!!  Something snapped in me last week and the old lazy fat me made a surprise visit and now she has overstayed her lazy ass welcome.  GO HOME!  Why can't I shake this funk?? 

Part of it could be the winter weather than came and slapped us all in the face.  It got cold...freaking cold!  All I want to do is lay under a blanket and hibernate.  The thing is.....I am not the only one!  Many of my internet supporters and friends are having the same issue!  Last week I ate SO awful....it disgusts me!  I only ran one day :(

Help!  I just need help!  I have been doing so well for the past almost 6 months....I can't fail now!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Getting Out of A Funk....

A little NSV (Non Scale Victory) from this past weekend!  As the days are becoming colder, I am digging out the warmer clothing.  This shirt I have on used to be so tight I couldn't even stand to have it on.  This year it is becoming "tent-like".  When I say that I mean that they fit to my boobs and literally TENT OUT.  So many of my shirts actually make me look heavier than I really am!

Again, I am not complaining, but I am still wondering what I am going to wear this winter!  My new jeans that are 2 sizes smaller than I used to be are starting to sag off my flattened butt!  Yes, I said flattened.  I don't want a Kardashian butt by any means, but some shape would be nice! :) 

My goal is to start weights.....it scares me because I don't want to lose the momentum I have had going.  Actually I am petrified.  You know me and new things ;)  BUT, I have to do it!  I am almost to that half way point of weight loss and I feel like it's slowing down.  It's partially my fault because I really have been a lazy ass for the past week.  Like REALLY lazy!  It's like the old Me has abducted....well, the new Me!  I want ME back!!!

My eating has been awful, my step counts have been awful.  No exercise.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?  I understand I will stumble and go backwards in my progress at times, but this is ridiculous!  I feel sluggish and tired.  I am running tomorrow morning and I am dreading it.  I know once I get moving and once I am done I will feel amazing!!!  It is just squashing that inner old me and telling her to butt the hell out of my life and never come back!

Grrrrr she makes me angry.  SO angry!  Why can't that part of me just die already!?  Leave me alone and let me live my new life.  I really need to figure out why I give in so easily.  Sorry.  This post is turning into this raging depressing read.  I apologize.  I just needed to vent.

I will post again tomorrow after my run and let you all know how it goes!

~ <3 ~
Me

Support Systems

It is motivational Tuesday for me!  I am trying to find some push to get my ass moving.

Today's topic I really wanted to post something about support systems.  I have said before that you won't make life changes until you are ready.  Until every aspect of your life is ready.  That includes a  strong and steady support system.

If you don't have a strong support system, the people around you can sabotage all efforts to improve your life.  All is takes is one negative nelly to ruin your efforts.  Especially in the beginning!  For me, I am still weak.  I have only been at this for 5 months and I am STILL weak!  It takes a brief second for me to cram a cookie in my mouth.  To have that extra scoop of pasta.  To eat that extra slice of bread.

I still have people say "Oh just have one", "If you have a little it won't matter".  What they don't realize is that ONE or that LITTLE bit can ruin me!  In a brief moment of weakness I can cave and THAT snowballs for the rest of my day!  I know not all people realize this, but when I say no.....I mean NO!  Stop offering me snacks KNOWING I can't have them.  Stop egging me on to eat that one tiny bite when you know I can't do it.

If your support system that surrounds you just can't accept the fact that you are changing your lifestyle and trying to improve your life.  You need to sit them down and put it all out there.  Tell them that you need their support and encouragement.  That when you don't eat a certain thing, or don't have that piece of cake; there is a reason!  If they choose to laugh or make light of your decisions....screw them!  They are selfish and you don't need to put up with their crap.  You also don't have the time!!

You need to surround yourself with people who when you decide to MAKE that change, will support you 100%!  When you go to grab that cookie or eat a piece of cake they will have no hesitation speaking up because you asked them to.  They will tell you "It's ok.  You can do it tomorrow".  They will congratulate you when you've done well and they will lift you up when you are feeling down.

I have many support systems.  My husband and kids, my parents (hearing them say how proud they are of me makes me want this even more), family, friends (all of my readers and friends who post supportive comments here and on Facebook).  I also have my online support system.  My My Fitness Pal friends are amazing!  When I have a bad day they help me see why and what NOT to do tomorrow.  My fellow co-workers for the most part are very understanding.  Every once and awhile people offer me food when I am not asking for it.  They will learn :) 

My one co-worker and I (I feel) have grown closer through our lifestyle changes together.  We compare our steps everyday.  We look at each others online food journals.  She really has been a motivator (she has lost a TON of weight) and such a support system for me!  Thanks Eva!  You have been wonderful!  Thank goodness I love my job so that I never leave.  We shall be healthy forever :)

So, thank you to MY support system.  You keep me going when I don't feel like I can, and you are always there through the "thick and thin" of my journey.  Love to you all and thank you!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

My New Addiction

Hello....My name is Beth and I'm addicted to fitness :)

Now 203lb Beth would laugh at this. "There is no way I would ever do that."  "There is no way I'd stick with it."  "I'd fail."  IN YOUR FACE UNHEALTHY ME!!

I am doing it and I love it!  I'm not trying to beat a certain time or be competitive with it. I really am enjoying running!!  The eating is still, and I have a feeling will always be, a hard thing to battle. I found myself sitting on the couch wishing we had a treadmill so I could bust a run and watch tv. It's like I NEEDED the high! 

I went to the gym and ran. We'll tried to run all that salt and bloat out of my body from over the weekend.  Uggghhh slowly but surely. I am realizing that the first mile is hard. But the second mile is the toughest one!  Then to get to 4 miles is like nothing!  I am sure I could do more than that but with my next 5k on Sunday I didn't want to push myself. I feel amazing!!!  It's this natural high that just makes everything around you better :)

I really do need to start working with weights. I've tried 30DS and just couldn't stick with it. I need to get some heavier weights so I can do it too. Baby steps I say but yet I never get started!  My floppy arms are becoming more noticeable and it's freaking me out!  I have all winter to work on it I guess. BUT I have to start now!!

Well I have a busy day ahead so I had better get busy!  Have a super Wednesday everyone!!!

~ <3 ~

Me

Feeling Like A Blowfish

This is how I am feeling today!  After a crazy busy weekend of fun and food, THIS is how I am left to feel.  We had a yummy spaghetti dinner last night with garlic bread.  The indigestion I had from it kept me up all night.  I woke up this morning feeling so sick!  I had to go in later to work today and knew I had time to go running and was DREADING it! 

However, I packed my stuff, took the kids to their sitter and headed to the gym super early in the morning.  I got to see the sun rise while I was running...kind of neat :)  So I start running and think to myself "2 miles is all I am going to be able to do....I feel like my stomach is going to explode upward or downward and I don't want to be in public when that happens."  You know what I did?  I took my "sweat towel" and draped it over the read out screen on the treadmill and just kept looking out the window.  I wipe my face and notice I have already gone a mile!  "What's one more"  I am there already right?  May as well make it worth it!  I look down again and see 2.5 miles.  "Well I guess I will go to 3.1...I am almost there."  I hit 3.0....feeling a little sick to my stomach I scream at myself "It's only one more mile you pansy!"  So I kept going.  I walked for maybe 1 minute and then when I hit 3.95 I slowed down to walk out the end of my run.

I felt great.  I still feel a little nauseous and have some stomach cramping, but it is AMAZING how something like food can wreck you like that!  One thing I have learned is that my body is used to how I have been eating.  Lots of protein, fruits, healthy snacks.  SO, when I do cheat or have a little too much of something I pay for it!  I don't like it!  When it's there I have no self control.  This weekend made me realize that. 

My biggest fear right now is the holidays coming up!  I need to start plotting my meals now!  We eat with two families usually each day.  I need to make sure I enter my food ahead of time on My Fitness Pal so that I don't stray.  When I plan it out, it makes it so much easier to stick with it!

I have my second 5k this coming Sunday.  My Mom is running it with me which I am so excited about!  She hasn't been feeling well and has been fighting this nasty cough, so she is hoping she will be able to run it with me!  I am nervous yet again.  I am more than sure there are some BIG hills I will be running on, but I am excited also!  I may get to meet one of my MFP (My Fitness Pal) friends there as she will be running as well!  After that 5k I will be done with them until the spring while I continue my running all winter long!

Well, thanks for reading!  I really have been slacking on writing, but things have been busy here!  Never a dull moment in the life of a Mommy right!?  Everyone have an AMAZING Monday!  Make your goals for the week and stick with them!  Anything is possible!

~ <3 ~
Me

My Addiction To Food

I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about eating a doughnut until I saw this picture......YUUUUM!

So I have said it before and I will say it again.  I think food is the DEBIL and yet I can't live without it.  It isn't even that I love ALL food....just the ones that aren't good for me.  If it is near me, I will eat it.  I will take a bite which leads me to come back later for another bite, then another.  I end up eating half of what is there, but make sure I time my snacking so no one sees me and no one would know it was ME who ate it all.

Since I have started my journey in May, I have REALLY been keeping track of my eating on My Fitness Pal .  I keep my diary open so EVERYONE can see it.  For some reason it helps with my guilt factor.  Meaning if I eat awful, everyone will see it and judge me and persecute me to no end about my awful horrible choices.  They aren't mean at all and everyone is so supportive, so that has helped me a ton.

Growing up, my Mom always made amazing dinners.  Casseroles, home made spaghetti, chicken, pork chops.  We were never allowed sugary cereals.  It was Cheerios, Rice Krispies, Kix, or Rice Chex.  She is an A-MA-ZING cook.  As far back as I can remember I was always a picky eater.  My Mom and Dad would make me sit at the table until I at least ate ONE BITE!  Just one!  I was so dramatic. 

I hate the taste of chicken, pork, steaks.....I HATE it!  I won't eat chicken unless it is in a wrap or a bun (cut in super tiny pieces).  I refuse to eat steak or pork chops.  I WILL eat pulled pork.  The only veggie I will eat is carrots and they need to be dipped in some type of dressing.  I do love fruits though.  A LOT!  I love my carbs.  Pasta, pizza, bread.  I love breakfast foods and cereals :)

I wish I would have learned to love foods more so that I could cook for my family better.  So that I, MYSELF, would eat what is made.  It's like I'm sabotaging my children before they even have a choice of what they do or do not like to eat.  They do love all of their veggies though.  That has made me happy, and YES I buy them a ton of it :)

Any advice for helping me with this huge issue???  I don't know if it's the textures or the actual tastes...I've tried eating them prepared multiple ways.  Nothing helps and I just can't do it!  Help!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Parades Are My New Nemesis

So not once have I really thought of this, however today made me realize something.  Just because candy is "fun size" doesn't mean it's fun for your calorie intake!  We took our kids to a parade this morning and there they stood.  Eyes opened wide and gleaming, chasing the scattered candy all over the sidewalks.  So as I notice some of my favorites I grab them up and cram them down my throat.  They tasted sooooo good.  I am pretty sure I now understand how an addict feels when they get a taste of the good stuff.

My enjoyment quickly died down when I realized that I could not hide this from my friends on My Fitness Pal and I very slowly entered EVERY....SINGLE.....piece of crap I swallowed.  My smile quickly faded, and i almost instantly felt my belly gain 4 pant sizes realizing that I had eaten......wait for it....433 calories!  That is a freaking meal!  Not to mention it wasn't filling and it almost made me eat everything in the house once we got home.

So, be careful my friends.  Those parade candies and Halloween candies will get ya.  Knowing my inner battle with food, I cannot eat just one.  I need to devour an entire bag then sniff out more like a blood thirsty horror monster looking for my next victim.  Yes, I went there :)

Enjoy the rest of your weekend my friends!  Keep moving, walking, biking, running.  Whatever you need to do to keep that movement going!  And enjoy the weather if you have good weather this weekend! 

~ <3 ~
Me

Pull Up People!

So...When people have ALL this space in front of their garage, yet THIS is where they choose to park!  It isn't SO much of an inconvenience when I am running.  It IS an inconvenience for our 4 year old daughter who just started riding her first bike with training wheels.  I mean COME ON people!!  I honestly can say that she fell twice while trying to get around multiple driveways.  It's just so silly!  It makes me want to do this:

Yes, I think that would make me feel better :)

So on our bike ride, we went for just over 3 miles.  Our daughter was so exhausted and sweaty.  I was a bit worn myself but it was a slow pace so it wasn't so awful :)  I looked at my monthly work out calendar on Map My Run  I have been busy, but not as busy as usual!

At least the biking has made up for the lack of running.  Well, sort of.  My improved time last night has really made me want to push myself.  I read in my Runners World magazine they say for the 5k to pace yourself to start out how fast you want to end I believe.  I started to do just 1 mile runs to work on improving my time, and maybe it helped?  I don't know!  I will have to see if it does.

Our kids are napping so I figured I would have some blog time this afternoon since I plan on being busy the rest of the weekend.  I plan on, after the kids go to bed tonight, to go online and find some good recipes to try.  We need to start eating better dinners too.  It's hard for us because working full time I get home later and I refuse to eat dinner at 7pm so I am thankful that my husband helps out as much as he does.  I want to find some easy quick recipes.  If any of you have any recipes to recommend, please email them to me!  HappyMommyHealthyLife@outlook.com

Have an amazing weekend everyone!

~ <3 ~
Me

Out of Control Today

This is how I feel today.  I am not even submitting my eating on My Fitness Pal because it was a JOKE!  I came home after grocery shopping.  Opened up my new Fitbit and sat down to enjoy the learning.  I became so overwhelmed i started searching the cupboards.  "Oooo!  Cheeze Its!  Oooo!  Ice cream!!"  It makes me so mad because I do so good and then that's all it takes.  Then after that I feel so guilty and ashamed and I really beat myself up.

I should just learn from today and move on.  I will, and I do.  WHY do I do this to myself?  FOOD IS THE DEBIL!  I've said it many times and it is true.  I am an emotional eater.  Maybe I should go talk to someone about it?  It's my fall back.  Food is always there.

I drink water, I try to eat fiber and proteins to keep full.  No matter how full I am I will still eat.  I am so bummed about my icky day.  I will make up for it tomorrow!  I plan on running first thing in the morning to help me and maybe a bike ride after work.

I've got to keep at it.  It is a daily struggle with ups and downs.  I just have to stay strong and keep pushing!

~ <3 ~
Me

Reflection

First off, I am totally peeved because I really had a good post typed up. I hit publish and my blogger app took a dump and I don't have ANYTHING now. So I hope I can recreate it a little. 

So I've said it once and I'll say it again. Food is my toughest struggle. I have no problem stopping myself from eating too many carrots or too much watermelon. But my body is not equipped with a governor that will shut my body off when I can't have anymore junk food. 

My weaknesses?  Ice cream, candies, chips. Really anything they say is junk ill eat it. It's like a drug addict. Once I get my fix I stop twitching and foaming at the mouth like a dog sitting near the dinner table. Yeah!  Try to get THAT visual out of your head :)

As a side not I did get out today and do a 1.8mi bike ride with our daughter. While on our journey she says "now that I ride my bike like a big girl I can come with you when you run right?"  I look down at my GPS watch and see we are doing a 19min mile and I nicely tell her "no honey. I don't think so."  Half way through our trip I looked down and saw we were at 11:18min/mile and then figured maybe she COULD. If she can keep that up for 3.1mi would be the question. We shall see :). Maybe a test run is in order. 

OK!  Way off topic there. Back on track!  So do any of you have that one struggle that peaks it's ugly head around the corner sometimes?  Mine is food!  It's always there in the back of my mind like that one person in your life you know you're better without but you still want to get ahold if them just to say hi.

Curse you food!  It will take time, but i WILL win!  Food is the debil!