A Little Barry White??

I know I have been absent from here lately and that is because I have been absent from everything!  My eating healthy and my fitness goals.  I did snag this quick "selfie" today while cleaning.  I am starting to feel more comfortable in my body!

I got on the scale this morning and I did gain 1lb :(  I mean it could have been worse!!  I am still disappointed in myself.  I did decide to go running during my lunch on Mondays.  Just a quick 2 miles so I am not too gross and sweaty when I am done.  They don't have showers at the gym and I can't give myself a sponge bath when I get back to work LoL.  I need to find a good body cleansing cloth that I can use.

So back on topic today.  It gets a little personal, so if you are easily offended or uncomfortable stop reading :)  Now, I don't know about you other ladies....or men for that matter.  When my husband and I first got married, things were amAzing in the passion department.  We had our daughter and things continued going strong.  Always intense and exciting.  Then we hit a wall when our son was born.  Like literally a brick and stone wall....completely solid.  Mind you, our son is 2 1/2 now.  I can honestly say not until the past few months have things started getting back to normal again!

My husband would NEVER tell me anything bad about my weight.  He never looks at other women or comments about their bodies.  Well, except for Carrie Underwood, but that is allowed.  So he never made me feel less than or not good enough.  It was all mental for me.  I was uncomfortable with who I was.  I was uncomfortable in the skin I was in.  I wasn't confident.  I felt awkward.  I felt huge.  I felt fat.  I felt disgusting.  I didn't feel sexy or attractive.  I felt ugly.  My husband never made me feel this way....EVER!   This is how I felt about myself. 

As I am noticing my curvy hips and my favorite.....my clavicle (collar bone), I am feeling beautiful!  I am more confident with my body and what I do with it.  I am sure my husband is appreciative of this too HAHAHAHA.  It has made a HUGE difference in our relationship.  More passion....crazy, right!?  I am not hesitant when we are together.  The excitement is back.  I am excited about being intimate with my husband with this revamped body of mine!

Another huge help has been my friend Yurisa.  We got back in touch through FB.  It had been YEARS since we ever talked.  BFB4L Yo (She'll understand what that means).  ANYWAY!  She has really gotten me into trying different types of clothing and even more recently things to do with makeup.  My beauty guru.  When I put the time in (when i have the time) it knocks that confidence through the roof.  Her support through our friendship has been immense, but her newest tips have really helped put the icing on the cake so to say.  Thanks girl!

Some people who are heavier MAY be comfortable in their skin.  To them I say I am happy for you and good for you all.  It just wasn't for me!  I am enjoying the new me, and my husband might be too!  HAHA.  In regards to the title about Barry White....it's an inside joke with my family that if you hear Barry White playing don't come barging in because things MIGHT be going on LoL  I love my family :)  So, in conclusion (I now feel like I am finalizing my English paper for school) if you are comfortable and confident in the skin you are in, congrats and much love to you.  If you are not, there is always room for self improvement.  Just be sure to do it for yourself and not for someone else.  Who cares what everyone else thinks.  It is about how you feel about yourself and the way you look!

~ <3 ~
Me

Where oh where has the new me gone?

Oh where oh where could she be!?!?!?!?

Because she has run away and left me here all alone and lost and confused!  COME BAAAAAAAACK!!  Something snapped in me last week and the old lazy fat me made a surprise visit and now she has overstayed her lazy ass welcome.  GO HOME!  Why can't I shake this funk?? 

Part of it could be the winter weather than came and slapped us all in the face.  It got cold...freaking cold!  All I want to do is lay under a blanket and hibernate.  The thing is.....I am not the only one!  Many of my internet supporters and friends are having the same issue!  Last week I ate SO awful....it disgusts me!  I only ran one day :(

Help!  I just need help!  I have been doing so well for the past almost 6 months....I can't fail now!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Getting Out of A Funk....

A little NSV (Non Scale Victory) from this past weekend!  As the days are becoming colder, I am digging out the warmer clothing.  This shirt I have on used to be so tight I couldn't even stand to have it on.  This year it is becoming "tent-like".  When I say that I mean that they fit to my boobs and literally TENT OUT.  So many of my shirts actually make me look heavier than I really am!

Again, I am not complaining, but I am still wondering what I am going to wear this winter!  My new jeans that are 2 sizes smaller than I used to be are starting to sag off my flattened butt!  Yes, I said flattened.  I don't want a Kardashian butt by any means, but some shape would be nice! :) 

My goal is to start weights.....it scares me because I don't want to lose the momentum I have had going.  Actually I am petrified.  You know me and new things ;)  BUT, I have to do it!  I am almost to that half way point of weight loss and I feel like it's slowing down.  It's partially my fault because I really have been a lazy ass for the past week.  Like REALLY lazy!  It's like the old Me has abducted....well, the new Me!  I want ME back!!!

My eating has been awful, my step counts have been awful.  No exercise.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?  I understand I will stumble and go backwards in my progress at times, but this is ridiculous!  I feel sluggish and tired.  I am running tomorrow morning and I am dreading it.  I know once I get moving and once I am done I will feel amazing!!!  It is just squashing that inner old me and telling her to butt the hell out of my life and never come back!

Grrrrr she makes me angry.  SO angry!  Why can't that part of me just die already!?  Leave me alone and let me live my new life.  I really need to figure out why I give in so easily.  Sorry.  This post is turning into this raging depressing read.  I apologize.  I just needed to vent.

I will post again tomorrow after my run and let you all know how it goes!

~ <3 ~
Me

Support Systems

It is motivational Tuesday for me!  I am trying to find some push to get my ass moving.

Today's topic I really wanted to post something about support systems.  I have said before that you won't make life changes until you are ready.  Until every aspect of your life is ready.  That includes a  strong and steady support system.

If you don't have a strong support system, the people around you can sabotage all efforts to improve your life.  All is takes is one negative nelly to ruin your efforts.  Especially in the beginning!  For me, I am still weak.  I have only been at this for 5 months and I am STILL weak!  It takes a brief second for me to cram a cookie in my mouth.  To have that extra scoop of pasta.  To eat that extra slice of bread.

I still have people say "Oh just have one", "If you have a little it won't matter".  What they don't realize is that ONE or that LITTLE bit can ruin me!  In a brief moment of weakness I can cave and THAT snowballs for the rest of my day!  I know not all people realize this, but when I say no.....I mean NO!  Stop offering me snacks KNOWING I can't have them.  Stop egging me on to eat that one tiny bite when you know I can't do it.

If your support system that surrounds you just can't accept the fact that you are changing your lifestyle and trying to improve your life.  You need to sit them down and put it all out there.  Tell them that you need their support and encouragement.  That when you don't eat a certain thing, or don't have that piece of cake; there is a reason!  If they choose to laugh or make light of your decisions....screw them!  They are selfish and you don't need to put up with their crap.  You also don't have the time!!

You need to surround yourself with people who when you decide to MAKE that change, will support you 100%!  When you go to grab that cookie or eat a piece of cake they will have no hesitation speaking up because you asked them to.  They will tell you "It's ok.  You can do it tomorrow".  They will congratulate you when you've done well and they will lift you up when you are feeling down.

I have many support systems.  My husband and kids, my parents (hearing them say how proud they are of me makes me want this even more), family, friends (all of my readers and friends who post supportive comments here and on Facebook).  I also have my online support system.  My My Fitness Pal friends are amazing!  When I have a bad day they help me see why and what NOT to do tomorrow.  My fellow co-workers for the most part are very understanding.  Every once and awhile people offer me food when I am not asking for it.  They will learn :) 

My one co-worker and I (I feel) have grown closer through our lifestyle changes together.  We compare our steps everyday.  We look at each others online food journals.  She really has been a motivator (she has lost a TON of weight) and such a support system for me!  Thanks Eva!  You have been wonderful!  Thank goodness I love my job so that I never leave.  We shall be healthy forever :)

So, thank you to MY support system.  You keep me going when I don't feel like I can, and you are always there through the "thick and thin" of my journey.  Love to you all and thank you!!!

~ <3 ~
Me

Why so much anxiety?

I don't know why new situations give me anxiety. I really do have a problem Ha Ha Ha. I am trying to get on my winter schedule of running on my half days of work and on the weekends. It's easier to get to the gym when I'm at work. It's closer. Plus since it gets dark so early, my days of running after the kids are in bed are numbered. No, I am not comfortable running in the dark. No I won't use a light to help. It just freaks me out and I'm uncomfortable alone.....in the streets....at night!

So my plan is to start hitting up the gym if it isn't nice during the day. My anxiety is at its highest level because I'm petrified to run on a treadmill. What if I hate it?  What if it makes me hate running?  I am freaking out over something so small and insignificant but to me it's big!  Today it's supposed to be nice out so I plan on running outside today. 

I have my next 5k coming up!!  It's in just two weeks and YES I'm freaking out!!!  The pressure is on to do as well or better than the one I ran a fee weeks ago. I can't wait for it because my Mom is running with me this time!!  Yay!!!!  Still nervous though. 

I haven't been running since last Thursday. The scale is showing it :(   I have GOT to get my butt in gear!  No going backwards!  Only forwards!  Just keep swimming right? :)